So I moved on and I met a wonderful man. We fell in love, moved in together and had a child. My two other children live with us and he treats them like they were his own. It is the life I thought I would have had with my first husband. The life I had wanted all along. So when he proposed to me 18 months ago I didn't think twice about saying yes. I didn't think at all actually "Yes" just sort of popped out along with tears and smiles. A second chance at the life I wanted…

Only I find as I wait for my divorce to come to a close I have time to think about my decision and i wonder if I did not make a mistake. I love him I really do, and I want to spend my life with him. I can easily picture myself with him old and grey and happy without any unease. so why does the thought of marrying him make me so nervous i fell sick? He is nothing like my ex and I don't think I will have any of the same problems I had with the first one and still I can't help but feel like by marrying him I am dooming this relationship. Like we will say i do and then suddenly like Jeckle to Hyde he'll become some horrible strange like my first husband had.

I expressed my concerns and he assures me he is not going to change but I still can't help my misgivings and doubts. I want to marry him but I almost feel like a lamb being dragged to slaughter. I try telling myself that it is normal to be gun-shy the second time around. that doubts are normal, that I'm just being silly, but I can't stop the feeling. I can't ease them. It is so bad I feel physically ill at times. I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose him but I'm so afraid of making another mistake. How can I go through with a marriage that troubles me so much? How do I ease my fears? 



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