It was done. I had messed everything up. I was never the poster child every parent forces you to try to be, no I wasn’t that child and I wasn’t going to be. I was just me. A girl who didn’t have a dad and probably was never going to have one. I have no idea why I acted out so much when I was younger it was stupid. It only hurt my mom. Yeah I got in trouble but at least my mom was paying attention to me. Maybe that was it maybe that was why I acted out. Maybe I acted out because I felt unloved. For as long as I can remember I was never a priority to my mother it was always about Cody.. Cody a name I soon grew to hate. She never wanted to spend time with me. I spent countless hours working on small little things for my mom but it was never enough. But I couldn’t ever completely hate Cody, he was the closest thing to a father I had. I knew he was only there for my mom but I guess a little bit of me hoped he had loved me. I got older. More and more time went on. I lost hope. I was now seven. My sister was born. When she was first born I hated her. She got everything. She got all of the love, she got all the time, she even got the prettier name. All I could think about is how she stole the love I worked so hard for. She made life hard very very hard. Fast forward to the start of 6th grade. I finally had hope in something more than my mother and Cody. I had hope for the understanding of true friendship. My very first few friends consisted of: Tristan, she was a dork and I loved her, Nate, he is just a weirdo, he was my best friend, JJ, he had a dark sense of humor, and there’s Tobais, I had feelings for him and he knew. I never understood why he hung out with us..he was way cooler than any of us.
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I can’t take this
xillah, , Marriage & Family, Anger, Child, Divorce, Schizophrenia, Sleep Disorders, 0
A few days ago, I nearly blurted out that I wanted a divorce. It was literally on the tip...
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Feeling not worthy
Aryw1, , Anxiety, Depression, Marriage & Family, Child, Domestic Abuse, 0
We me went I was 18, I thought I was in love. I was on cloud nine. After 9...
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another month…*sigh
delane1, , Anxiety, Depression, Marriage & Family, OCD, Career, Chronic Pain, Relationships, Therapist, Therapy, 1
…gonna try and see if this one stays put, this time…i’m getting really tired of typing and accidentally erasing...
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update….
delane, , Depression, Marriage & Family, Child, 1
It’s not been easy at all, these past three weeks. *sigh But, i’m still here… i’ve learned nothing new,...
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My life
angelinarose, , Marriage & Family, Addiction, Adoption, Career, Child, Depression, Grief, Infidelity, Medication, Obesity, Relationships, Sex Therapy, 0
Its very difficult for me to say write all this for its makes me relive everyday but i will...
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I cant stand how I obligated I feel
Littlewing, , Anxiety, Depression, Marriage & Family, Relationships, 0
I know a while back I mentioned how me and my partner broke up. It was what I wanted...
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barely holding on…
delane1, , Addiction, Anxiety, Depression, Marriage & Family, OCD, Anxiety, Grief, Relationships, 4
*sigh i knew this was going to be a tough time for me, but i had no idea the...
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This doesn’t feel real
kates1987, , Anxiety, Depression, Marriage & Family, Anxiety, Career, Grief, 0
The title of this first blog entry has been something I have said probably a hundred times since last...