Walking away from someone who I became so attached to hurt so much. Although the weight that has been lifted off of my chest and body is amazing. The relief I has when I was finally strong enough to let him go. not be worried about him, being there for him, and just him taking my energy from me. From time to time I find myself missing him, wondering how i got sick of the feeling of his skin, hating how he talked, hating how he constantly needed me, and unloading all the negativity he is feeling on me.

I’m starting to be more honest with myself. I had become someone who let a whole small chapter of my life make me feel small. I start to ask some of the hardest questions and challenging myself to take small steps. Its been a whole year since I worked. I applied to this long term job that requires a contract. No one pushed me to do it, I have family and they couldn’t be more distant then ever. I have been an adult for over 7 years now since i turned 18.

I filled out papers, applications, traveled, and wondered all by myself. Not really anyone guiding me. My family learned around the time when I was 22 that I wanted to make my own path because their wasnt anything very clear for me. I wasn’t all that sure what i expected all i knew was that i wanted to go to school.

Now that was 3 or 4 years ago ive learned a thing or two. I learned that my money is my money, saving is important for emergencies, and choosing me in difficult situations is okay. I kept asking myself what are the things I value? what do I want to change? what are a few things I want to accomplish before 32021 is over. Here’s what I have so far.

Things i value

Integrity, Boundries, Respect, Cleanliness, Communication, Consistency.

Things I want to change about myself or at least improve on.

I don’t want to lie about small things and be more honest, I find that I lie very easily. I dont know if thats a trauma response. Thats the number one thing I wanna work on right now.

Thats all I feel like sharing right now,  just like to document my thoughts because I enjoy looking back and seeing how I have grown.