Depression has changed me, changed what I thought my life would be at the time of my life. I can’t helo but look at the people around me also in their twenties at the accomplishments and failures. I look at them in relationships with a part of me wanting and the other part of me refusing it. I have trust issues that I’ve yet to break through which happens after your family has burned you as bad as the did. And to be completely honest I’m insecure. I don’t care that I’m not a size 2 because I take care of myself physically. It’s my other health problems and past issues that make me insecure. People have abandoned me without knowing the depth of  who I was. It makes me panic at how a person would react knowing the parts of me that are still broken. I don’t know how to open up to someone after so many have walked away. I think from a young age everyone prepares you for the big day. What’s the big day? Your wedding. But no one talks about the next big day is unless it’s about babies. Those are supposed to be the big accomplishments is marriage and babies. There was a time where I wanted to be married and probably have kids. I used to think I’d have three but now neither appeal to me. If I’m going to have kids (big if) I would probably just have one. I’m going into my mid 20s and my biggest goal was to be a published author. Now that I’ve done that it led me to question what was next. I decided I want to travel; I have a list of places and itineraries of what I want to do when I’m there. It scares and excites me the idea of it. By the time I’m 30 I want to go to Iceland to finish of the era. I’m 7 years away from that time. All my life, I blacked out most of my childhood, my adolescence was when I was diagnosed with depression and nearly died. The path in life isn’t what I had anticipated but I fell prepared to go through the looking glass.

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