so wed was my first of the many grueling child custody hearings….let me just start off by saying my childrens father is a FUKN SNEAKY LIAR!!! i took out a petition for JOINT CUSTODY in october of 2007 after months of fighting with their father on back and forth issues we have regarding our children. i have been seperated from my ex for the past 5 yrs or so….the children have been living with me…now sometime around july 05'ish their father wanted to become MORE INVOLVED in their life, so we worked out a split week schedule…were he would have them sunday thru wed and i would pick them up from school wed evening thru sunday morning when he would pick them up…now this had been goin up until aug 28, 2006….now there had been times where we kinda switched up the days of the split week agreement…in that time i had fallen on hard times…i lost a job, fell back on my rent, went into a deression, but i still had my boys!!! their father had stepped up and offered to take them on a little more….giving me the room to breathe and try to work things out…so fine i got a job my schedule was shit…but we worked around it…now initially (this is where i should have kept with my gut instinct) i didnt want to agree with him taking on more of their time…i felt like a bad mother for goin along with this agreement….i cried on friends shoulders on NUMEROUS occasions thinkin it was a BAD DECISSION…..because i had a feeling that one day he would USE this against me…but me being the asshole that i am, gave him the benefit of the doubt, thinking NO HE WOULDNT DO THAT!!! so the boys ended up goin to school in his neighborhood, no questions asked….i would travel to and from my house with three children on 2 buses, droppin one off at my grandmother's house since he wasnt in school yet and THEN to his area to drop the kids off to school….some days the kids would be late…naturally…we were travelling by public transportation 2 FUKN BUSES!!….well, last yr after starting my new job, 3 months into it i get hurt!! i work in EMS…i FUKD my back up pretty bad!! now this was in april of 07…again my rent had been backd up, my bills rediculous, my depression DEEPER!!! he saw this….my grandmother decided to take my boys to florida for a 10 day vacation along with my dad…these boys had spent the WHOLE summer here with me and Leigh because damein had just landed a HIGHER PAYING position at his job so his hours were more DEMANDING….he was on call 24/7 he'd ask us on several occasions during the summer if we'd mind doin the "time" aspect of taking care of the boys and he'd take care of the financial aspect of handling them, and of course i didnt mind…more time for us….it just peeved me that he ALWAYS PUT HIS JOB FIRST!!! well here we are today…..in fukn court!!! the boys came back from vacation, damein picked them up from the airport and told me that i could ONLY see them fri-sun!!! and that was IT!!! me being the no backbone having ex couldnt STAND UP to his DEMAND!!! i let him do it…he asked me to "let him be the father he needed to be….. it would ONLY last a couple of months" i cried for days!! here he was setting LIMITATIONS on MY TIME spent with our kids….i could NEVER WIN with damein..i felt like he STOLE my boys from me!!! so on the first day of school i showed up to see my boys off and he caused a scene!! he demanded to know what business i had being there!!! he didnt want to have ANY part in their schooling it was CLEAR!!! i asked him if i could see their class schedule and his response as ALWAYS is "I GOT IT!!!!" at one point he came up in my face and verbally threatened me…i told him that i would be doin what i felt was necessary to make sure that my boys are home…so here we go with this child custody hearing! i filed for a JOINT CUSTODY petition….stating that he doesnt have the TIME to be there for his children…NO WHERE IN THE PETITION DOES IT BERATE HIM AS A FATHER!!! or say that he is an UNFIT parent…..it just states that I HAVE THE TIME TO DEVOTE TO THESE BOYS!!! so we've gone back and forth up until 2 days ago with the snide remarks towards one another…he called me kinda sorta making a truce with me….we discussed MEDIATION!! we figured that we were able to "talk" all we needed was to write down what we BOTH felt was best for the boys…we were SUPPOSED to be goin into court today with a list for the comprimise!!! i was expecting to WORK THIS OUT WITH HIM….and what i got INSTEAD was a FUKN SNEAKING BACKSTABBER WITH A LAWYER!!! FILING COUNTER FOR SOLE CUSTODY!!!! now i been on public assistance AS A RESULT of workers comp NOT PAYING me for my LOST TIME and my injuries….(that occured in March!!!)TRUST i wouldnt have applied if i had BEEN WORKING!!!!i have held a job up until the POINT of injury!!! but since i am NOT STABLE in his eyes….he FEELS that HE SHOULD HAVE THE CUSTODY OF OUR CHILDREN!!! this has been our battle since day one….i dont have icome!!! he DOESNT want to pay child support…so TAKE MY BOYS!!! WTF!!!!! i WOULDNT BE DOIN THIS WHOLE CHILD SUPPORT THING if i wasnt on PA!!! I DONT NEED HIS FUKIN MONEY!!!!

sooo i was appointed a lawyer today, the boys have a law guardian, and now i have ACS coming to my house to check shit out!!! i have NOTHING TO HIDE!!! the BOYS LIVE HERE!!!

i want to DIE!!! i feel so BETRAYED!!! SO HURT and HUMILIATED!!!! this is what i get for being so FUKN invisible!!!