I have never in my life thought that I would be going online to seek support for a condition that I have tried to hide from the world for so long. I guess my diagnosis of OCD has been recent although I had the symptoms fo as long as I remember , it's only within the last 6 months that I chosen to finally seek help and get a proper diagnosis. In a way I feel relieved that what I've been feeling actually has a name, and that I'm not actually losing my mind which I really did believe was happening, hence the denial and failure to seek professional help. However, now I've been feeling totally alone with this disorder. I have no one to talk to about it, well besides the psychiatrist that is.When I do try discussing it with my parents/friends they don't really get it. Perahps they're afraid or just don't believe that this is an actual condition. I am married to a wonderful man who was the one who encouraged me to seek help and who know all my"quirks" and all the obsessions(even the scary ones) however he works away from home and I only see him 8 days out of every month. Totally sucks I know. The only thing is I feel horrible for leaning on him all the time and I'm afraid to be bothering him all the time with my obsessions and compulsions and worry that he will eventually become tired of it all. So I have come to see if anyone want's to chat at all.
My obsessions are mostly related to intrusive thoughts and extreme fears. The scariest ones I have usually center around my children, someone else or myself hurting them or molesting them etc. These ones are the worst becuase I love my children more than myself and would never dream of hurting them however I just CANT seem to get my brain to shut off these topics. After the birth of my son who is now 4, the thoughts were almost unbearable and I went into a deep depression at that time and was diagnoses with postpartum depression(a wrong diagnosis becuase I refused to give the MD a true description of what was going on in my mind at that time. Currently I have fear and anxiety regarding just about anything: death, rats, abuse, uncleansliness, assymmetry etc. I'm on citalopram 60mg od and I'm not sure if it's actually working, is it supposed to take away all my anxiety or just make it bearable??? With the medication I do not have the strange thoughts of hurting or abusing anyone(I feel horrible even admitting to these thought!!!) but I do still have a lot of anxiety. Anyone out there reading this????I'd love to have someone to chat with so I don't feel so alone with this. Thanks