I woke up freaked out…
Thinking something was wrong with my head. That I was going to die. Told myself to stop thinking that.
That I was afraid to go to bed because I thought I was going to die in my sleep. But I am awake now… It took about an hour to realize that…
I couldn't stop freaking out about how after I took the excedrin my head felt really funny. It still feels a little cold in there. But it's getting better and there are larger gaps between the icy hot sensations.
I called Luda to ask her if this was normal or not… I mean I'm pretty sure it isn't… ??? I left a message which I almost didn't, because I felt stupid. I still feel stupid…
And I've decided I wouldn't numb my feelings again… Because numbing them wouldn't make this go away… But I want to so bad, numb myself. It's just safe there.
I freaked out thinking Luda was going to misunderstand me. Because I said "You would think these people in the feild of child physiology could determine an immature drawing from a cry for help dawring." I didn't mean for it to sound like I was weeding out people. It's not like that. I should have said that person and not these .. I fuck up all the time. UGH frustrated at always thinking I am being misunderstood. I say things and I think people just get it but they don't and they take it the wrong way all the time… UGH frustrated… But it is a vaild point. Is is not?
Then Jolen stopped over so I sat outside with her and we talked about her kids birthday party. How they can't get anyone to put a Twlight secne on her cake because of copy right freinges. And instead of saying "Oh that sucks" I suggested another way of going about doing it. And she said I never thought about that! Heh
Then as we were sitting I heard people yelling at each other across the tracks and I almost said Thats Albion for you. But I didn't I just thought it instead. And said to myself maybe they are just having a good time… And it made me anxious when people drove past us. I tried to ignore it. I did ok. I would like to do better…
Then she left and a "cool" guy imed me and sent me a song he wrote. 🙂 Which I love it. It's very creative and talanted. Thanks for that!