Just after the 4th of July I met this guy who initially I wasn't attracted to, and he told me he was interested in one of my closest girl friends. But the more I got to know him, the more he grew on me, and the more that changed. We spent everyday, all day, emailing, texting, calling while his friendship with this friend went along slowly.
Soon, we began to wonder if WE could be something more than friends. Sunday, July 25th we made out, because that romantic spark was just so strong we wanted to see where it would go. I didn't regret that at the time, but I regret it now.
Saturday, July 31st we had a huge argument as I'd been telling him it bothered me that he was still talking about my girl friend. He told me that he wanted to be friends with everyone and that's all he felt he was ready for. But I was jealous, because every time I have a guy friend, they always become interested in her. And I'm tired of it happening. I'm tired of being the girl that gets to spend her entire friendship listening to a guy talk about her friend and ask questions about how he can get to her. He swore he wouldn't be that guy, but he slowly became that guy.
Meanwhile, this girl, who used to be the closest friend I have here, had been drawing away from me months ago. She is so ultra into God she doesn't make time for talking about anything else, and sometimes life isn't all just about God. It got to the point where she began to ignore my texts, but when I saw her at church, she was all into talking and doing lunch after and while I was miffed she never returned my texts, I kept the in-person friendship going.
After his and I's argument last Saturday, we decided not to talk. Sunday went by, they went to church while I stayed home because I was out of money for gas. Monday he finally text me and said he wanted to be friends still. But it was different. He was quiet, instead of texting me all day every day he text like once just to say hi. Wednesday night he told me he was going to church WITH my friend. Well after the service ended, the time I knew he was usually home, I sent a text asking how the service went. He didn't reply. I sent another and asked if I'd done something since then, and he told me "oh, I'm out with someone right now, sorry." He never stays out past 10 cuz he's not a night person. It was 10:30 and usually he would text when he got home. No text.
Today I logged onto FB and noticed his status said "a special friend sent me this text this morning, yadda yadda yadda." I sent him a joking text that said "Special friend eh? That was fast." And he said "yeah, it just happened." And I said "I'm sad. I feel like I was replaced overnight." And he wrote back "You're not replaced. She's my gf. I can't be texting you everyday now."
WOW. I just have never been more heartbroken. Am I that unmemorable, that unvaluable, that un-friend material that two of my closest friends – because he and I both called each other best friends – could replace me just like that, overnight?! 🙁 I know this is the oldest story in the book, but until now, it had never been me. Now I truly have no friends here. Yes, I have acquaintances, but I still have no one I can share intimate things with. These two people where that in my life, and they are no longer. I can't be friends with them now, not if they could do this to me in less than a week, not if they could do this to me in a time when he and I were still trying to work out feelings for each other.
As for church – I don't know where to go. I'm going to keep being part of my dance team that practices on Monday nights, but everyone there is a couple, and I can't face these two that couldn't even bother to let me know what's up. I mean I learned it in a text from him. She didn't even bother to let me know at all. And he says "We tried to fight it, we really did, but I guess God had other plans." Really?! Don't even drag God's name into this!! THIS IS NOT GOD. Just because all the two of you like to talk about is God 24/7 and you have that in common, does not mean it's His will for you to not consider the feelings of your supposedly closest friend, therefore, I conclude that this is NOT God. Though truth be told, I actually think he is the one for her. I just think the way they handled the whole thing couldn't have been more hurtful – I haven't had time to heal and it's selfish to OUR friendship – and it's going to take me a long time to get over it.
And hey you know what? I'm at least a little stronger. If this had happened to be a year ago, I'd be balling my eyes out, suicidal, and running onto some free online dating site to pick up the first guy I can find who'll make me feel like I'M special. Instead, I'm trying to find ppl to talk to about it and going to pray and read my Bible.