As the title states I am just sick of all of it. I am sick of trying so damn hard to please everyone and not receiving any gratitude in return. I am sick of sitting on my ass every weekend while my so called friends go out and have all sorts of fun just so they can tell me about it later. I am 22 years old and I go out go dinner and shop more wit my parents than I do with my own best friends. No one ever calls and asks if I would like to go out and have fun. They all assume I won’t so they don’t bother.
I am tired of going to work at a job I hate in a profession I did not freely choose and sitting at a desk in a cubicle staring at a computer screen while everyone around me converses with one another and ignores me. I am annoyed with the fact that people who have known me my whole life have somehow found it okay to tell me all of their problems yet run away and hide when I need a shoulder to lean on. They have also found it beneficial to just flat out abandone me as a friend with no reason or explaination.
I hate people because they hear or see me tic ( have Tourettes) and automattically think that there is something wrong with me and that I am some sort of freak that must be shunned from society. People would rather hide me away and pretend I was not there than get to know me and realize here is so much more to me than my TS, weight, whatever. All I have to do is be in a room and it turns people off. I try being social, personable, what have you, and no one ever returns the favor.
I am without a doubt sick and tired of being me. I am sick of living a life that is spent making sure everyone else is happy with it and not me. I have been depressed for the last 5 years and not a single person has ever noticed or asked if I was okay. They would all rather avoid the whole subject, and me along with it, then try and help me.
I am just tired of it all.