YES!!! I have finally made up my mind about having a relationship with my dads family… the answer: No I am not going to have a relationship with them!!!.

It was hard. I didnt want to go against everybody I love, my mum and her parents all wanted me to have dad's  family in my life, and I was so close to doing it pretty much just for them. But on Friday I got thinking, why should I do this for every one else?? It's not going to effect them in anyway… and it may sound abit self centered but in all honesty this is all about me, how I feel, how it will effect me and what do I want… and I also thought… how on earth can we have a positive relationship (mainly nanna) when I still connect her to negativity? and I will always be expecting her to say something nasty and just basically always expect negative words to come out of her mouth. If I am having difficultly seeing her in a positive light…. then really it just wont work out and if I jump right into a relationship with her now, before long we will be down each others throats before we even get a chance to change things around and I honestly think before we can attempt this I need to see her in a different light and some how change my thinking towards her, or learn to brush things off. Whether that will happen or not, I dont know… But I am satisfied with what has happened so far, with me getting everything off my chest and letting her know what I think of her and her actions and words has made me feel alot better about the situations,  but I do not think that is enough for us to have a relationship….

Then there is also the bigger picture, I will have to see my dad, or they will atleast try and force me, while I dont really feel anything towards him, I dont really want to be faced with him and the fact that at the moment I am a little angry with him because he has made out that he was paying a shit load of child support and told every one in his family that he was paying more than the recomended amount which is at most $20,000 p/a when in actual fact he was paying well under at $6000 p/a and he got off pretty light because mum didnt want to take it through the court system and just get all over and done with. BUT… now I actually have full documented proof (government documents) that prove he was only paying the 6k and yes I will be keeping it, because at somepoint in life I dare say it will be bought up again like it was when I met up with her, Now I have actual proof her son lied to her and made himself look better than he actually is, and yes if it ever came up, I would use it, because I hate lyers and if I can, I catch lyers out and the fact that nanna and every body else thinks dad is a model father for paying this great amount of money to support his child and no this is not about the amount paid its about how he has portrayed himself in a false manner, but just then I was thinking 6k is not really alot is it?? considering that was all he paid, he didnt chip in for schooling or ANYTHING really, and I hear alot of father chip in for schooling along with the child support kinda thing, like the kid I used to look after his dad payed child support then both his mum and dad payed half each for his schooling, but yeah now that I am old enough to understand, its not really alot, but meh, mum did fine supporting me, I just cant stand how he is trying to portray himself…. and one day…. Karma will come back and bite him in the ass, and I do hope I have something to do with it lol and and and….  I do hope nanna is alive to see it!!!! because she really thinks she knows her kids, but she really doesn't, well not dad anyway, like she was shocked and didnt believe that dad had spoken to me and she didnt know about it, she went on and on about how they talk about EVERYTHING…. and this one thing, that skind of important…. she had no clue, and I know dad is not a big talker, to an extent he is a private person, when things happen that dont really involve any one else, he doesn't really talk about it and half of what she knows are probably lies… or extended truths, because the money thing is not the only thing he has lied about to her, I would write about it, but it is rather hard to describe, I've attempted lol but maybe another time lol

So yes… FOR NOW  there will be no relationship with nanna, I am happy to keep incontact via email but for now that is as far as it will go 🙂 and I am happy with that decision, I am not cutting all ties, minimal contact is fine, incase at a later date I feel I am fully ready.


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