It's hard when I feel like my mental illness has ruined my life.I shouldn't say this,but I hate taking meds because of all the weight they put on me.They have made me gain over 100 pounds and I am sick of it.It seems like whenever I need someone to talk to no one is there.It seems like no one cares,literally.When I try to be nice to someone its like I just get pushed away.I feel like I am the victim all the time.I just want my family to care,and listen to what I have to say.I want them to understand how I am feeling.It's so hard when I feel like I am facing life alone.If anything I just want someone to understand.I just wish all these thought and feelings about myself would go away.I feel like I am a bad person all the time,like I am always doing mean things and thats why people hate me.I dont know I try to be the nicest I can to people.I feel like people dont want me around,and like they see me as worthless and a failure.I just want to be like everyone else.I want people to like me for who I am.I am trying my hardest to stay out of the hospital but it gets tough when I keep everything inside and no one wants to listen because they have too much going on.If I could have anything it would be to be normal like everyone else,not with all these strong emotions.I know its my borderline personality disorder and it literally sux that there is no medication for borderline personality disorder.I just wish it would all go away.I dont know how to deal anymore,this is getting to be too much for me.i feel like I dont have any coping skills that work anymore.Maybe I am just imagining all this stuff up but it seems so real and it hurts.Even when I tell people that I am hurting they dont seem to care.