My mood is mixed and I'm wishingI could talk to Michael, she doesn't even no about D., I need advice, I'm still feeling red flags and I need to be able to think clearly about what is excatly going on with what i'm feeling. D., has an addiction he's had since he was 7 yrs old to dipping tobacco, I think its yucky but really don't mind, except it keeps us from kissing, lol. , but he wants me to let him kiss me with it in his mouth, yuck, so should I or not? Its so important to him, he's like Its not like I'm getting it on you or anything, and he's fairly clean with it, he has beautiful clean teeth, and a great smile that I adore. This is already coming between us, so I don't no what to do, I think its nasty and he is addicted ti it ti the point of letting it come between us, he said he wanted me to accept the good, the bad , and the ugly, so its decision making time I suppose. He said he can't get close to me without wanting to be close to kiss me, hold me, touch me, but he needs his fix, yuck, so should I compromise and smootch with the tobacco in his mouth, geezee why must everything be so diffcult?I have a block with the fact that my mom's addiction to her cigrettes is more important than me, so this is a hard one for me, he wants his addiction and me, but which one is more important to him, its his addiction. It caused us both to get hurt,I think he even considered not seeing me anymore, due to the fact he said after we left the restraunt we were at and on the way back home,I asked him if this meant we were over and he said he didn't no, then in the carI asked him again, he says he said no, but that's not the case, he left me hanging for awhile, I eventaully asked him if he was going to take me home and drop me off he said, yep apparently joking, then I said are we through he apparently jokinlg said yep, I sat there facing coming back to this hell, my mom was getting her test results for the cancer today, which was negative, yeah!!!! I was in alot of distress and his joking around was so hurtful, I started crying, after pulling the car over several times, because I had to throw up because my chest had been racing and i hadn't felt good earlier, he reached over and took my hand and said he was sorry and i just lost it and pushed his hand away and told him if his addiction was more important than me maybeI didn't want to see him anymore, we drove for a ways and had to pull over again, I totally lost it, I was so hurt, I got back in the car and said if its over there's no reason for us to travel together I'd stay whereI was and call my friends to come and get me and he could just go back home, I've been left before so, he said he was just joking about the hole thing, i told him that was just plain mean, we got through it somehow and he brought me home, but i wasn't happy, this all stared on Sunday over his dip as he calls it, yuck, my lastnight there in Alabama he didn't come home till 11:30 p.m. andI was upset and not happy so i went to bed after asking him if he' like me to cook him something or run him a nice bath, both in which he said no, so anyway apparently he had been unhappy since Sunday with the dip shit situation, lol, he became distant, evasive,wouldn't even look at me hardly at all I was left wondering what the hell was wrong for several says, until on the way home on Wednesday. This evening we talked about it and once again I broke down in tears because he said I had hurt him over his addiction, because I wasn't letting him kiss me with it in his mouth, yuck, lol. I don't no he left here tonight after something else happened and said he was going homr to Alabama, he called hrs., later and was at his brothers up North. I don't no ….. what a bunch of drama, hurt me, make me feel like shit for your addiction, but then again maybe I'm just over reacting, who no's …..anybody?

1 Comment
  1. ancientgeekcrone 12 years ago

    He started so young that he probably will not be able to break free of it. His brain was still developing when he started this stuff and may now be incorporated into his whole system. If this guy is worth it maybe he could find some mouthwash and breath mints to minimize the effects for you. I would not continue to invest in him emotionally if this is a deal breaker for you.

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