Another day, what did I do? not much.. Slept in until 2pm again. Have been doing that alot latley  cause i’m saying up late talking to friends in the chatroom and msn. I Managed to update my page alot more too I did that yesterday. I  have managed to get two photos uploaded, but for some reason I can’t seem to get another one up. I tried again today but still no luck. Maybe a slow connection doesn’t help. 🙁

I joined a group on DT, The Welcome to DTribe.. Seems good. I just wanted to branch out from just living in the chatroom. I’m glad I did. Allready I have had new people talk to me, and drop by my page and say hello. Its so lovely to find so many people who are complete strangers just drop by my page and say hello. It’s frusturating to me that complete strangers are more wiling to be there for me than people who I live with, and see every day. How wrong is that!?

I have been finding my moods are going up and down alot more recently.. Maybe my meds are not working anymore? or have they infact worked at all? i’m not sure. Maybe the mood swings are an effect of the meds who knows.. I know the meds are making me loose my appetite. i’m hardly eating anymore. mostly having one meal a day, and not even eating much of that. Even drinking has become more of a task, rather than feeling the NEED to actually drink anything, even water. It makes me gag. bleh..

I have been getting alot of headaches. I don’t know where they are coming from.  Most of the time I just pop a few pain killers, but i’m finding that even that isn’t working as well as it used to. I try to rest, but most of the time that is when my mind runs off into all different horrible stuff.

I havn’t left the house really in quite a while. I think i’m getting too comfortable in my own space. I know I should be going out. I mean i’m a 22 year old girl. I should be going out every Friday and Saturday night, getting drunk and having a good time.. But just the thought of going out like that scares me. I have lost all confidence in myself.

I have my fathers wedding to go to on Saturday.. I’m really scared about this. It will be the first time I have talked to him since my stint in the hospital, so i’m a bit scared about what he is going to say. I really don’t want to go but I know he would want me there, so i’m going to try my best and be "Happy", just for him if nothing else. Geez i’m going to have to wear something half decent.. wow. i have been living in my PJ’s for about a week now.  Its going to be really scary being around my fathers side of the family. I have not really seen them since the funeral of my nan (his side). I’m sure they wouldn’t have a clue about me, or what I have been going through. I have only met this woman twice. Apparently she has kids too, so i’m going to have step brothers and sisters.. thats a scary thought.  Do I HAVE to like them?! Maybe i should meet them first before I start thinking about things like that.

I hope I don’t freak out at the wedding.. Well at least one good thing.. they are supplying the alchohol, so i’ll be able to just drink myself silly if i can’t handle things.. I know its not the best option, but whatever gets me through it i’ll do.

Ok I think thats all the random thoughts going through my head at the moment…

Thanks for reading.. Jacqui