My birthday just passed and I was secluded as always. I had a boyfriend of almost 2 years and he is great, kind and patient with me, but things are just not right with us. He's not mature enough yet to help me in the ways that I need, and has grown very attached to me and causes me anxiety and stress with his immature decision making skills (he is younger than me.. needs some time to mature). We broke up 'for good' tonight and I just feel so alone. As much as he hurts me, we both love each other dearly. But with college coming up for me in the fall, I need to be able to focus on my physical and mental well being and this relationship is poisonous to me right now….
Now I am just confused and more lonely than ever. I have no friends in real life who can spend time with me, I only have about 5 people I trust and they are always working or have other plans or have to take care of children. I feel so alone, and none of them battle with the mental issues I have so I can't bring myself to burden them with the confusion of my problems anyways.
The only friends I have are online and I can no longer even speak with them because I have become so depressed and secluded myself from the world further. Now with my boyfriend gone, and no family to show me the support and care I need, I am falling apart worse than ever. I'm scared I may start hitting myself or cutting myself again. I am not 'suicidal'…. I just need outlets and don't have them. I need someone who can relate to me and it feels hopeless. I feel so alone and so… out of this world. I don't feel human anymore. I just wait out the days until death comes to claim anything life didn't already take.
I seek companionship from someone who can relate…. is there anybody out there? Anyone else who just needs a companion? Someone to understand and listen? I want to be there for someone and want the same in return….