That's pretty impossible for me since EVERYTHING stresses me out and either by bad luck or just bad decisions, I am ALWAYS in the middle of some kind of problem, either financial, social, physical or all 3.

I don't even know where to begin. I am just thankful for DT. I guess that's something to be thankful for. DT is a place I can write these blogs among others who have crisises going on themselves.

So here's what I did. I got very sick again and it's funny because either I am a serious alcoholic OR it's true that the kind of rum I was drinking was bad and or did not agree with me. I got sick on it 2 times now. Other brands don't bother me as much and agree with me better. Anyway, I said all kinds of SHIT on FB again. Like when I get drunk I make this joke that says I'm aVirgin. When I make the jokes they seem funny at the time. Then I get really upset when peoplewhodon't know me very wellBELIEVE me. Like these 2 guys from theater. WTF they thought I was serious?? CAN'T THEY TELL I AM JOKING?? I am 38 yrs old and USED to be somewhat attractive, if not sexy. Common sense says I'm not a virgin. I might notbe havingsex anymore because there are no men in my life but how can anyone believe that I'm a virgin? Not only am I not a virgin, I've been through a lot of pain regarding sex.I've also lost children and gave myself up to men just so they'd be my friend and I'd not be lonely. Maybe that's the joke I don't know… I guess when I'm drunk I'm trying to say "Look I'm NOO NUN!!" Eventhough I don't get sex anymore… Bottom line isI just get mad when ppl don't understand my jokes. My sarcasm… That's only one issue that happened on there.

Second thing that bothered me was simply that these guys talk to me and try to get me to "hang out" with them. Some I knew as aquainteces in the theater, others are just strangers, but they see my pictures and they want to hook up. Well, guess what? I gained 25 ibs since those pictures were taken. And when I tell them that, they either don't want to believe it, OR they stop talking to me. And not many people know my age, same deal there. If they think I'm still29, that's OK but when they find out my REAL age, they go running like I have some disease.

This is why I dont' want to be on FB or talk to ANYONE especially MEN anymore!! FUCKERS!!! I can't stop self-destructing on there so I deactiveated my account. I hope my Pebless is still there, if not, she's not. But for now I am OFF of FB because I can't stand the people I used to know disrespecting me and the people I don't know at all who are just all assholes and idiots.

Next I deactivated my store on etsy. I cant take orders anymore. I have 3 that I'm trying to fill and haven't been able to get to the PO because I've been sick.

The third thing is the hardest. Even harder to stop than drinking. That is shopping. I have to stop buying because I have no money left, yet I keep buying. I still think there was some kind of Bank Error and my money disappeared, I can't figure out what happened to it all, but someone was using my account. I am still missing hundreds. And I am not someone who can afford to lose hundreds not by a long shot.

I don't know what else to say except the final thing is getting rid of my therapist. Obviously I need therapy but she is not helping me. We are just stuck. So I'm going to lie and tell her that I am going to a new group and try that for a while. I don't care what I have to say, but all we talk about are the same things and it never gets better and for $140 an hour that is just not ok.