Soooo it's like 10 am and i've been up since 8!!! because i went to sleep at 11….omg…it's a freakin miracle…lol i haven't been able to go to sleep so early since like last month.  i was being a huge bitch last night…i'm sorry for anyone who read my last blog…it was pretty scary. i ended up going to the meeting last night because i knew it was where i was supposed to be. a guy came in and was drunk and shared about how he has scars all over him and how he was such a huge heroin addict and how none of us probably touched it…he made fun of how people are jus addicted to pills and doesn't know how it feels to be a junkie… i wanted to slap his face!! and the most fucked up thing….the chairperson didn't even cut him off once he admitted to being drunk? ok….but she fucking cut off the lady who was sharing last, telling her it was the top of the hour, when we still had 3 minutes left, and i think that was terribley rude and i think the best meetings go over a few minutes anyways…but alll that is in the past, overall it was a nice meeting i guess…. so i was being very mean all day yesterday. i didn't feel good. i went to sleep wanting to murder everyone and to top it off, i missed kristen's phone call while i was in the meeting. BUt everything happens for a reason and i got through that day clean and today is new. i found out this morning why i was so mean yesterday and why my head hurt so weirdly and my whole face…lol i woke up and realized one of my top wisdom teeth are pushing through…..greeaaat lol last summer when i had 2 jobs i luckily got one pulled and got them all x-rayed and the denist said the rest of them should grow straight, so hopefully he's right because i'm broke and have no dental insurance. so anyways…. thanks for the people who comment. this website is like a meeting to me kinda…lol like i share and people help me. and i try to help other people too.  today is good though….. i have to stay focused on the good….like how i woke up really early and took a shower and im doing my laundry and i cleaned a little…i feed the kittys ! we have 3 cats =) i love them. and how i do have  ajob that i start on sunday. i bought my work shirt last night and my mom is going to get me some shoes. some people wonder why i even call my mom because she's in active acoholism and addiction. but she's my mom ya know…i can't live with her, but i do love her. i am obviously a product of her…. lol but once you take away the addiction part of either of us, we are good people.  anyways sorry for rambling once again. i am happy today so far it's a beautiful day and everyone else is asleep so i'm jus hanging out doing laundry talking to the cats lol i'm weird.  but this is the way i like things…i missed waking up early!!! for the past month i have been staying up til like 6am and sleeping til 2pm and it sucked. so i'm grateful.  and i don't know if i'm bipolar or not for the one who mentioned it. i was actually diagnosed with it 5 years ago when iwas 15.  i think i may be. i am going to actually call my therapist today and see if she can get me an appointment with the phyc. because i'm wondering…lol i'm scared of those doctors though. they locked me up when i was 16-17. they didn't want to let me leave LOL i thought it was because i was a genius and they didn't want me to be a part of society because they knew i was so intelligent that i saw straight through the world and noticed all the secrets and all that….and they thought i was schizophrenic….lol pretty funny. i'm not though. i am just abstract =) there's a little line that seperates the two, and i could see where they would be confused. anyways i need to go read the JFT before i forget. kristen will be home on saturday! and i start my job on sunday! and i get to see my mother tomorrow! and today will be good =) so yea. i'm out. peace<3


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