ive come to realize that my life could just be over. i mean im 21 yrs old and i havent accomplished anything in my life. i just realized that it was because i never really focused in life. i had lived my life in a fast lane and never once stopped to think about what i wanted to accomplish in life.  in high school i always came to school high on weed and pretty didnt learn anything or even studied in school.i dropped out of school because i kept getting in trouble with the law to point that i was becoming to old to graduate. the friends that i did have were friends who did drugs with me so all we ever talked about was drugs. i started doing drugs at an early age and i think that my brain never developed mentally as i got older. now that i think back in life i realized that everytime i was around people i was high and never really talked much or had much to say and people would say well she's just high and laughed it off.  i didnt have much of a personality and i was mean. well now i dont do drugs anymore and i still dont have much of a personality. its gotten to the point where im just depressed, i dont want to be around people and i dont have much to say to people. i feel like i have no mind of my own because i cant seem to interact with my family or anybody when i do say something it doesnt even make sense. i cant come up with any ideas or collect my thought together. i feel like im grown but has a childish mentality. i know that i have ruined my life but is it permanent. can i still grow mentally. will i ever learn anything because i dont know jack well maybe just my 123s and my abcs thats it. so i dont talk anymore atleast barely i just lay in my room and look lifeless or just watch tv all day. what can of life is that i might as well commit suicide thats all i think about because my life is meserable and it just cant get any worse. im even now afraid to be seen by people. i feel like i have no mind and that my mind is all blank because i dont even conversate with people anymore  i usually dont know what to say