I’m writing this blog because I want to see if any one can relate to it. You see I read about this anxiety and that anxiety and my head screams I’ve not got any of them yet I’m told its what I’m suffering with. Is this one of my twisted irrational thoughts that plaegues me, trying to make my anxiety into something more, something darker.
This all started on January 6th. Yes I’ve always had anxiety, getting panicky in situations I’ve not been comfortable in. I had panic attacks since a child, now immune to full attacks. But this……. This is something else.
I wake up each morning, normally about 5ish and although in a half sleep my head has started its thinking. About all sorts of rubbish. Then I get up and normally reach into the toilet. My thoughts are terrible in the mornings. Worrying about how I’m going to face another day, telling me that this isn’t anxiety. Anxiety is something you get when you in an uncomfortable sitation and feel agitated and panicky. This is like my mind has broken, thoughts babbling through my head. the Chatterer. And underneath that voice is little old me trying my best to reassure that I’m Ok, that one day this will end, that I’ve nothing to be frightened about. This is just anxiety after all. I worry that I’m going to do something wrong???? Something to make it worse or prolong it. Its like being locked in my own head and each day I struggle to find a distraction away from that nagging torturing thinking brain. I over analys myself far too much. What is this anxiety, how am I feeling , is it better worse balh blah blah.
I’m not on meds, I’m having CBT to help take control back. Only been doing it for about 2 and a half months.
I’m so sccared this won’t go. Poeple tell me otherwise but day after day its still here. Constant, torturing and taking my life away.