I just seem to hear bad news at every turn this year.

My dad has been offered radiotherapy, but 3 times a day, which will cause burns, hair loss and may damage his spine. He already has problems walking.

My brother went awol for3 days – he lives with my parents but is 28 (He has always been treated crappily by our dad for his mild autistic tendancies and has always felt pushed out). We found out tonight he is safe, which is a load off. But when he gets drunk, which is about once a week, he gets so drunk he turns up home covered in dog poo, and/or with broken glasses etc. Our dad wont accept that he is mildly autistic and blames any unusual behavioural traits on bullying, and accuses us of not accepting the fact that he was bullied. I was bullied longer than he was, and I witnessed it all. My brother had it worse. But he acted autistically before he was bullied. The thing is, I know my dad see's autism as a bad thing. My brother is clever, funny and has an astonishing memory. But none of that seems to matter to dad because he isn't great with a ball or his fists.

It's hard not to hate or reject dad. I love him so much, but the moment that I begin to think how he has hurt everyone else, the more I feel so so angry. I am putting it all aside because i will have only too long to go through this shit after he passes.

But my brother is struggling, and I have to find a way to help him cope too. We have become estranged over the years. But I believe and hope that he knows he has me, in any crisis. I worry about him more than any other member of my family.