Where does the time go? I feel like ever since I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety, time just flies by. An anxiety attack feels like it lasts forever and when I look at the clock, it’s been two hours. How did I not notice that I was freaking out for two hours? I feel like my family is sick of hearing my bullshit. (They call my problems bullshit) so I decided not to tell them about it anymore, which makes me feel more alone. My boyfriend tries to help me but I can tell he is slowly giving up on me cause nothing is working. I don’t want him to feel useless or like this is his fault but I cannot dwell on everything because I need to focus on getting myself better. I feel so stuck, not being able to smoke weed cause it increases my anxiety I’ve been smoking more ciggs. I tried to go and smoke one but I realized how dark it was on my street, then the anxiety kicked in. “What if I got lost? Even though my home is right here and I haven’t left? What if it was just dark enough i couldn’t see and someone hurts me? What if the world stays this dark, what will become of me?” No, I’m not scared of the dark, I normally sit in the dark in my room. Why did this happen? Why can’t anyone help me figure out why I am like this? I hope this isn’t the rest of my life because this isn’t life. I had such big dreams when I was younger.. I wanted to be a pastry chef, but I can’t even be around food without feeling sick. Let alone working is hard as hell on me, I don’t think I can take anymore stress. I want to love my life again, I hate feeling scared all the time.

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