I don’t know what to write about right now, I just feel the urge to write. I love words. I used to want to be an editor. I think I would have been good at it. I’m a fast typist as well. 42 wpm. Right now I’m listening to Indian classical music (ragas). I find it to be very soothing. I used to have a lot of books that had to do with writing and words. One of them was called Words Into Type, and it was all about editing. I also had a book from one of my English courses, called On Writing Well. I think Bill Bryson authored that one, but don’t quote me on that. English has always been one of my favorite subjects. I think the Words Into Type book is somewhere in the shed.

I often write in my journal even though nothing is really going on in my life. I don’t even know what I talk about half the time. I usually write about how I don’t know what to write about, just like I am right now. I’m all snuggled up in bed with a down blanket about my shoulders. I wish this night would last forever, just me and my husband all snuggly together. But he has to go to work tomorrow, unfortunately. I don’t know how I got through today at all, and I sure as heck don’t know how I’ll get through tomorrow.

I always find something to write about, even when my mind goes blank. My mind feels pretty blank right now, come to think of it. I don’t know what the purpose of this blog is… maybe just a way for me to reach out and get my thoughts in order. I’m still feeling pretty scared in general, the fear doesn’t really go away, even though my husband is home. It’s easier to deal with when he is here, that’s for sure. Being without him during the day is becoming unbearable.

Each day feels worse than the last, if that were possible. It sure doesn’t feel possible, but it just is that way. I’m terrified of tomorrow; today was so difficult. I have nowhere to turn without Jesus here with me. I’ve never felt so bereft. I’m full of despair because I can’t find the presence of God. I wrote a whole blog post about that earlier today. God is what I need, but I can’t find Him anywhere. Anyway, my goal was not to repeat that over again. I wanted to write this blog about writing itself. I got sidetracked.

Writing for me is very cathartic. I love the action of it, the feeling of my fingers on the keyboard. Typing is the one skill I have left that I am proud of. Well, that does it, I’m just about out of things to write about. I’m hungry for some reason, even though I had a full dinner plus a bagel with cream cheese. I want to make yogurt and cereal. I guess I will do that. Good night.