Boy what a whirl wind it has been lately!! i mean i have been fighting the urge to want to DIE because i miss my fiance SO much.. it has been almost 3 months now since i kicked him out for cheating on me with a 16 year old… i know right!!! 28 years old.. what would he want with a 16 year old anyway? but anyways.. after kicking him out the very DAY i caught him emailing her… i have not spoke to him nor do i ever want to again, gone forever… i wish he never even exsisted honestly .. i would like to live in a world that he doesnt exsist in. Its difficult thinking he works 1 mile away from my house and wondering if hes going to come bother me or mess with my car or whatever.. I know he wont- he hasnt… after 3 months im pretty sure he got the hint to FUCK OFF… excuse my language. 

 

 

 

meanwhile….

I have been seriously getting my best friend time on.. with kyle and jessica… thats the only time i forget just for a minute that my world was turned upside down just a few months ago.

 

I ache that i didnt see this coming… one minute i was purchasing our honeymoon in tennessee for a week stay and making flower arangments for the booked chapell the next minute im living alone in our house crying with a broken heart…. just by a snapp of a finger it was all gone… the dream, the love, the wish, the hope- just gone-

now i take everyday as a blessing and hope that one day soon i will be healed enough to love again. but honestly i feel back to normal some days and other days i feel i dont want to get out of bed ever again.- go figure.

hey im open to positive comments if you cared enough to read this blog..lol

— as far as some negative comments keep them to yourself because i have enough of that for myself. thanks.

 

1 Comment
  1. snowdreamer 11 years ago

    Hi sweetheart first I want to say I'm sorry about what happened and second I'll tell you why….

    My b/f and I lived together for 10yrs in Ca and my parents got sick and my daughters were having babies so we decided I would move out here in Ky and take care of them and he would come live with me when all was settled, then it was he wanted me to come there, then it was ok I'm moving out in april then it was quiet and he has to have a surgery,he's scared he won't find a job and granted he won't not making what he makes now so first I had a trip planned to go out in March for a week to help pack up and I do but I notice a distance between us and one day I saw a letter from another woman online but it was dated last year so I didn't pay much attention because he told me he was not looking for anyone and he was coming to live with me…..Easter sunday I decided I was moving back out there until he moved out here but he said no…..he's afraid of the job thing, he has to have back surgery and a number of other things and I understood all that it was fine to delay things but I would be there right, nope, he told me he found someone else and has been dating her and she just might be the one he said, he said yes he loves me but with the time apart he's not sure he's in love with me….what's the difference?  it's just an excuse!  I hate him for what he's done, the lies and deceit but he's been my very best friend too and I didn't want to lose that part so we still talk but I've come to find out how hard it is to deal with all this…I want to slap his face for lying to me!  I want to tell his family who love me as their own what he's done to me!  I've been able to deal with this better than I thought I guess because we still talk and now I'm finding that when we do talk I'm ready to hang up before he's done and also never noticed how he can be bossy and telling me how to do things that just came to me too so I think in time I'll be better oh and get this it's ok for him to date and see other women but if we are ever to be back together I can't be with another man….f….k that.  I may not want that but it's my choice not his he threw this away I didn't, I was faithful, he wasn't…anyway I think you get the idea of all this rambling I've done…I do know what you are going thru and together sweetheart we can do this!
    Write me whenever you'd like and we can be each other support ok?  I'm a good listener and as you can see a good rambler lol  take care darlin and write if you want..

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