So I've been really frustrated the last couple of days, having a rough time myself with an episode of depression. I make myself function; clean the house, teach lessons, do laundry, go to appointments, take care of my little boy and make dinner most nights. But I feel like no one notices the effort I'm putting forth, especially with how I've been feeling lately. It makes me not want to bother.
Yesterday was pretty crappy. Aaron (my husband) had his vasectomy last Friday, and something's wrong. He's got major swelling and pain all the way into his groin~ he's living on painkillers and he usually refuses to take that kind of thing. I told him the night before last that he needed to call out of work, he shouldn't be up and around and that I wanted him to put off his dental appointment for a cleaning yesterday morning so that he could lie down and rest like he was supposed to be doing. But as usual, he didn't listen to me. It made me mad, but I refuse to badger him~ he's a grown man and he can make his own decisions.
He ended up calling out sick eventually, giving his supervisor very little notice to find a replacement. I'm sure they were really grateful for that (rolling eyes).
The best part is yet to come.
So his birthday is coming up in 2 weeks, and he wanted a new cellphone~ his is old and doesn't get a good signal. I have been saving up for over a month now, every little paycheck I get, to be able to buy him the phone that he wanted. It was over a hundred dollars and I had just about made enough to cover it. So we saw a MetroPCS store (that's who we use for service) and I suggested we go in and look. I very clearly statedthat I didn't want to buy anything today, because I wanted to be able to pay for it. I couldn't do it just yet because I didn't have enough.
So he goes in there, picks out a phone and then proceeds to buy it anyway. I was so pissed off! He completely disregarded my request and my feelings and had to have it right then. I left the store while he was getting switched over to the new phone~ I couldn't be around him for a little bit.
On the way home he actually had the nerve to ask me what was wrong~ and I told him that he never listens to me. That he disregards everything I have to say, and then I end up cleaning up the mess his irresponsible behaviors and actions create. I also told him that I was really angry about him buying the phone, and he actually said to me, "Well why didn't you say something??". To which I shouted, " I DID!!! But you don't listen, ever!"
For most of the day we didn't talk. He was angry at me, I was fed up with him. I just wanted to be left alone. He ended up accompanying me to my doctor's appointment, where I was told that I needed still more tests about my stomach issues, and a CT scan with radioactive dye. She told me that many people have a bad reaction to it as they're kidneys don't handle it well, but she felt that this way was the best way to find the answers she was looking for.
She also informed me that the next step would be sending me to a GI doctor and having a colonoscopy. I am really not looking forward to that~ I had one when I was 17 and it's really embarassing and miserable trying to prep for it.
So, needless to say, the news didn't make me any happier. The good news is that Aaron and I talked on the way home and things were better with us. We picked up our son from summer camp and went home.
I walked up the stairs and my Mom was standing in the kitchen. I said "Hey" and then noticed that she had put out spare ribs for dinner. I asked her if that was what she was intending for dinner (I was under the impression we were eating leftovers). She got mad at me and I tried to explain that Aaron couldn't stand down there and cook them on the grill because of the problems he was having. That set it off.
On the porch a little while later she came out and told me angrily that she didn't appreciate the way I had talked to her. I pointed out that I had only asked what the plans for dinner were and then she said, "It wasn't what you said, it was the tone you said it in."
I apologized for it, even though I didn't think I had said anything offensive. I could have been wrong.
Then she started in on me about my husband and how he'll never change. I became very offended by that because we're still living here to help her! We'd be in our own place by now if it wasn't for her ridiculous desire to hang onto this huge house that she can't afford to keep since her husband died. It's been almost 5 years now and she still won't see reason. She owns another piece of property with a manufactured home on it free and clear~ but she refuses to sell that either to ease her financial burdens.
I finally looked at her and said that if she and Aaron couldn't work out their differences and talk to one another like adults then we were going to have to go our separate ways.
This then turned into an ugly argument about how I ignore her and nobody talks to her or includes her, how she doesn't feel like she's part of our family. But for heaven sakes the woman immediately comes home from work and either goes in the den and plays solitaire on the computer or goes and takes a nap till dinnertime. Then afterwards she goes right back to the den until she goes to bed. She makes no effort whatsoever to try to be sociable or try to involve herself in the family life.
I pointed out to her that she did this, and she said, "Well you've been ignoring me for days." This was news to me. I know I've been isolating a lot, but everyday I make a point to go into the den and ask her how she is or how work was. The response I get? "Fine." One word answers. And it's not a pleasant "fine", it's a leave-me-the-hell-alone "Fine". So I leave the room. She denied this, and continued to rant at me about how nobody tells her anything about what is going on and she feels unwanted in her own home.
I finally had enough and announced that I was done with the conversation and I was going out into the yard to work.
"Well what am I supposed to do about dinner?", she asked.
"It's up to you. I'm not particularly hungry, and I can't eat red meat right now anyhow." So I walked away.
I'm so tired of her constant negativity and nastiness. She isolates herself purposefully just so she can point fingers and make other people feel bad so she's got someone to blame for her misery. I've been living with this crap for over 5 years now, and it's just getting uglier. I can't stand being here with her because of it even though I love her completely. I feel like I'm sacrificing the well-being of my marriage and my our chances of happiness just so she can keep this huge house that she constantly complains about trying to upkeep. When she does talk to me it's always nagging. This is NOT helping my depression and bipolar issues.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I can't win. I either sacrifice my husband and I's chances of happiness and a home of our own to help her save this stupid house, or I end up feeling guilty because I make the decision to stop supporting her and pouring money into something she doesn't really want but refuses to let go of. And to her that would be unforgivable and seriously hurt our relationship.