I like to think that God gives us only what we can handle, however I'm questioning that right now in my life.

I have always suffered from depression and self esteem issues – at least second generation abusive family but I'm doing my best to ensure that that cycle ends there at least.

Perhaps, because of that low self esteem, I stayed in a relationship that I should have ended before marriage and children however I will ride it out for the sake of my children as they need two parents and the problems aren't with my husband's and children's relationships but with his adultery, pride and financial immaturity that creates friction and requires 'creative' budgeting on my part to ensure that the family can meet our basic needs.

To add to my burden, our oldest has just started school and I'm going back myself so those changes, while exciting, are also a strain while new routines work themselves out.

While that, in and of itself, I was keeping under control, out of the blue I received a message from the police that an old daycare we had our children at is under investigation of child abuse and they believe one of our babies was a victim. We had complete trust in this family and while we don't believe it happened to us,to have the shadow of this doubt cross my already over burdened psyche, I feel my physical health starting to suffer the effects of this additional stress.

I am trying to take it one day at a time and when it gets it worst, one hour after another with the knowledge that in time, some of the stress will go away on it's own while the rest, I will find a way to either accept or change if I have any power to do so.

I keep in my mind that at least there isn't death involved so it could be worse to keepmyself going when Ifeel overwhelmed so at least there's a chance things will improve.

1 Comment
  1. ancientgeekcrone 10 years ago

    You are a very brave woman. At some point if and when things improve; the child if he/she was molested will need therapy to process it all. You are preparing for a grueling up hill battle. I am here if you need to talk, rant, rave, or help you with the academics. Or at least until you surpass my level of education. Best of luck to you, Brave One.

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