so, last night i managed to follow through with commitment and go to the Student Leadership Recognition Ceremony and Dinner at school…. I'm in Student Government, which is probably the easiest club on campus when i can think straight–it's a 1.5-2 hour commitment with minimal talking and occasional discussion…that i usually don't have to carry. The most talking i did was one short presentation and two announcements (though the most recent one i could bash my head in the wall because i didn't have enough info and should have just said details are forthcoming…but didn't…yeah).

it was ok, in spite of the fact that i spent most of it shaking and murmuring to myself as well as restraining the three hyper girls at my table. I hate playing "Mother" and i actually said that at one point as i prevented one of them from throwing rice at her friend.

Got really pissed off at dinner because the salad had almonds in it(um…this is why we are starting an anaphylaxis awareness group on campus) at least I'm not allergic to nuts, though i have friends who are.

Dinner generally was kind of sucky. most of the food was undercooked and/or dry. The dessert and dinner rolls were better than the meal, which is typical of Aramark-based catering.

I survived it without feeling absolutely awful(other than my feet killing me). …I don't LIKE the fact that i was shaking, but to me shaking's better than nausea–which is what i felt most of the afternoon before my counseling appointment with the social worker at the school counseling center.

we talked a bit about my dad…and how my mum's helping me arrange for a psychiatrist for over the summer[i have my suspicions that i have Social Anxiety and Bipolar II, but…would like to have an official wording on it…among the fact that documentation might help me in school as well.] And about my family's unrealistic high standards for me, which stress me out considerably and their ridiculous methods of enforcing it(which are technically more expensive…but they don't see that.)…but i think i'll save my rant on my parents for another day.

i suppose all-in-all it was a pretty good day. I'm debating whether i'm going to go to the dorm dinner, though i don't feel like i know many people in my dorm. I regressed a lot this year–partly because last semester i couldn't go to events (I had a class that met from 6:30-9:20pm and the events are between 7:30pm and 8pm) and this semester i couldn't particularly CARE about events. i spend a lot of time in my room or wandering around campus.

thursday was a kinda meh day too. I didn't want to do anything, but i had a test at 9:30 and a class that's a 3-hour class where if you miss one day sans note, you've auto-failed.

least i feel better today. i need to get up, shower, pack and call my parents soon… i should think about food but i think i'm just going to snag something sugary from the vending machine again…and i'm gonna get rid of the bologna in the fridge again…it's probably bad by now(2 weeks for a prepackaged brand–i'll buy more on sunday night yay for 24-hr shaws).