Do you know what it's like to be a single parent?  I wake up sometimes in the middle of the night, and it's like the bottom drops out of my stomach and I start thinking about how screwed up my life is….my heart begins to race and I feel like puking. 

I am all alone – the only adult in my house – I have crappy jobs, I don't make enough money to save anything, I have no husband, no boyfriend.  I am often stressed out and not nice to my kids.  I made the big leap of leaving my disaster of a husband but now I have a whole new set of problems.  I am more alone than ever.  I have no money.  I have no career.  My kids have no dad.  I have no emotional support.  I have terrible credit.  I will never be able to buy a house, or even a car.  How did this happen?  How did I screw up so badly? 

It was okay when I first left my ex because I didn't even try to get back into the real world – I cocooned myself, took care of my kids but didn't try to get a job or go back to school, didn't try to meet anyone.  That way I felt safe and didn't have to worry about how backwards I was. 

Now I have pushed myself back into the world – and it is a cold and hard place to be.  Life is strange, painful and awkward.  There will never be a time when I have no problems.  It will always be one thing after another.  I will handle it, and keep on trying my best, that's all I can do.  Being out of denial is just a hard place to be right now.