I kind of said the same thing a few days ago but I am just dying to travel. I used to travel all the time – spent 2 months backpacking in South America, travelled all over Europe, even got myself to Kenya to climb (really just walk) up Kilimanjaro. A couple of years ago I thought that I could still do it – arrive in a foreign country and make my way from city to city on a shoestring budget. I went to Portugal. I was pretty much drunk all the time back then so I was OK the first few days. After about 10 days I had gone from Lisboa all the way to Barcelona, Spain. I was trying to get to the French border to catch a leg of the Tour De France – I think. I'm not sure what set it off but that first night in Barcelona I had the worst panic attack of my life and it just kept going and going and I tried to drink it away but I couldn't put the genie back in the bottle. I was up all that night, heart racing, puking, just walking the abandoned streets. The friends who I had made in Portugal and who were travelling with me – themselves recently discharged didn't know what was wrong with me. They thought I was very ill. They called the airline, changed my ticket and had me on a plane back to the States the next morning. Once home I managed to finally sleep after I don't know how long and began to calm down with the help of plenty of vodka of course. I have not gone any farther than a couple of hours from home ever since. I have never slept anywhere but at home ever since. I desperately want to be able to go somewhere, to travel but I am so scared of what's going to happen. I don't want to be a semi-recluse anymore. There is so much of the world I want to see I just am too damn scared to go.