HELLO, THIS IS MY FIRST ENTRY HERE. I DONT KNOW WHERE TO START. I HAVE BEEN FEELING PRETTY GOOD THE LAST 2 DAYS BUT SATURDAY I HAD THAT TERRIABLE INSIDE FEELING THAT I USED TO TRY AND DRINK AWAY. WELL THAT WAS BACK AND I FELT A LITTLE HYPER ALL DAY WITH CLEANING. I NEVER STOPPED SO YESTEDAY I DID NOT GET OFF THE COUCH SO WHAT THE POINT OF EVEN DOING ANYTHING IS THE NEXT DAY ITS UNDONE??
I GUESS I’LL START FROM THE BEGINING- NOW THAT I KNOW WHAT DEPRESSION FEELS LIKE OR WHAT IT TOTALLY IS. IHAVE BEEN DEPRESSED ALL OF MY LIFE. WHO WOULD NOT BE WITH THE PIECE OF SHIT PARENTS I HAVE.THE LIFE I HAD. I WAS NOT PHYSICALLY ABUSED OR SEXUALITY OR NEGLITED. I JUST DID NOT MATTER TO ANY ONE, I WAS NEVER FIRST IN ANYONES LIFE AND THATS SOMETHING I HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH.I LIVED WITH A STEP FATHER THAT WOULD GO DAYS WITHOUT EVEN A WORD TO US GOOD OR BAD. I HATE HIM!!! MY DAD HAD HIS OWN LIFE SO WE HARDLY EVER SAW HIM TILL I MOVED IN WITH HIM IN THE 10TH GRADE & I STILL DID NOT GET ANY ONE ON ONE TIME. I NOW KNOW FROM MY OWN OBSERVATION THAT DAD HIM SELF IS BI-POLAR. HE HAS ALL THE SYMPTOMS. I KNOW HE HAD IT PRETTY BAD GROWNING UP ALSO, HIS PARENTS DIVORSED AND AND DISFUNCTION AND ALL BUT I HAD IT AS BAD AND I LEARNED FROM THAT& I SWORE TO MYSELF THAT I WOULD BE A BETTER PARENT THAN MINE EVER WERE. THAT IS ALL I EVER WANTED & I AM!! WE ALSO HAVE NO REALATIONSHIP WITH EITHER ONE OF OUR PARENTS. HUBBY’S OR MINE. FATHE IN LAW DIED 15 YEARS AGO, HE WAS THE ONE THAT WANTED THE FAMILY ALL AROUND ALL THE TIME & I REGRET THAT MY GIRLS DID NOT KNOW HIM!!!