Hi

I’m new to this sight I joined yesterday, unlike many of you I don’t have a reason to be depressed. I am having my first baby with my soul mate and we both have good jobs and a really supportive family. I guess that’s why I feel so guilty and ashamed of myself for feeling so sad and scared.

I have suffered from anxiety and depression on and off for about eight years, and a couple of months ago I thought it was all going to be ok as I was coming of the medication and felt really good I’d even started going out more with friends. Me and my wonderful partner decided to try for a baby which is something we had wanted to do for years.

Anyway I got pregnant almost straight away and was doing fine unitl about 16 weeks pregnant then I started to get really anxious feelings at work which I just had no control over, then it spiralled into the worst depression I have experienced. I really did want to end it all but knew I couldn’t. I kept asking my family to help me die cos I just couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I’ve been back on prozac for about 4 weeks now and the anxiety has definatley subsided but the blue feeling just won’t go. My boyfriend and family tell me that it’s because of my pregnancy hormones but I’m not sure. I don’t want to feel like this forever and hate my self because I am so negative when I should be so positive with all the love that surrounds me. 

I am so weak and feel like I am only alive because I don’t want to hurt my loved ones. There are times when I feel ok and can function normally but when I start to feel down again I just can’t remember them times, and I worry that I this time this sadness isn’t going to go away and I will not survive.

I know a lot of you out there have got it so so much worst than me and for that I am truly gutted for you and praise you for your strength to just get up every day. Suppose I am just confused because I have no reason to feel like this