A lot of the time I feel like I'm stuck in a vortex, like a force field. It's of my own creation and it's impenetrable. I'm fighting a war against myself and I'm losing, and everywhere I turn there's a new shadow lurking in the corner. Sometimes I think I'll never leave this bubble, and it will always prevent me from opening up and being free, and happy. But sometimes I do feel hopeful, that things will change, and I take steps to allow myself to step into the light and breathe a little. Tonight is one of those times I'm trapped in the bubble. It's so pathetic I don't want to admit it, but sometimes I just search endlessly through my phone contacts for someone to talk to who will just listen, who won't judge me, and I feel hopeless. And I'm not saying those people don't exist, because they do. I just don't feel like I can talk to anyone, or explain anything. Never sure where to start. The past few years of my life have come with so many changes, more recently ones I made for myself. I feel like I'm running in circles and have no idea where I'm going. I'm hopeful one minute, feeling good about my decisions, the next day I am a wreck. I like my job, I hate my job, I like the money I make from my job. I'm graduating, I'm not graduating, I'm sort of graduating then finishing later? Because I “screwed up” a little bit. I'm tired of feeling anxious, depressed, afraid of the future, afraid of making mistakes, afraid of disappointing my family. Being a constant disappointment to myself. And I feel so lonely in a house and life full of people, I just want to be alone. But at the same time I'm lonely. Does any of this make sense? I'm not sure. I am crying, drinking water and hugging my giant teddy bear Henry that my really good friend/friend with benefits/maybe we are dating?/I'm not ready for dating bought me. It's a great bear. To anyone this resonates with, here's to you, and I will think of you while I read Anthony kiedis' autobiography and depress myself into exhaustion. Maybe it'll work out eventually, this life thing.
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Living Day by Day
Poisontongue, , Depression, Anxiety, Depression, Relationships, Suicide, 0
…is really tough. Especially because the present is so painful. The future is both scary and a distant hope....
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12/2/21
james114, , Anxiety, Depression, Teens, Anger, Anxiety, Depression, Relationships, Suicide, 0
Today was by far the most difficult of the week. It started off relatively normal, but ended out really...
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Response for Heather
JipCJeanne, , Depression, PTSD, Self Esteem, Therapist, 2
Hi Heather I do a LOT of journaling, whether it be written, computer, or here in DT. I find...
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None
Steph_jn, , Depression, Child, Weight Loss, 0
crawled into bed 14 hours ago and slept about 8 hours. still havent left bed yet though. I really...
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Past Passed
StormySeas, , Depression, Anxiety, Career, Child, Relationships, 3
Every so often, when the empty darkness fills me, creates that black hole pit in my soul, I find...
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The End
Jason01, , Depression, Teens, 4
I’m sorry…. I see everything you all are saying… But I really don’t deserve any of it.. The days...
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The Diary of Tracy Something
TracySomething, , Depression, Anxiety, Lesbian, Gay, LGBTQ, PTSD, 1
So, I'm back from my amazing two days at Alison's house. The time flew by so fast. I just...
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My Story About My Moms Abusive Boyfriend ⚠TW: Triggering topic | S/H | Physical and Emotional abuse |
Oliver.UwU, , Anxiety, Depression, LGBT, Teens, Uncategorized, Relationships, 1
It all started when we moved to South Carolina my mom starting talking to her Ex boyfriend. They broke...