I had hoped my life would get better, but it gets worse every day. Getting up in the morning is a constant struggle for me. Going to school is even harder, and being Jamaica is even harder because no one cares about the real Jamaica. People make fun of me every day for my name, for the way i look, my speech, and my accent. Judgemental people are so conceited of their ownselves that they want to point out others flaws. I dont get what is the point of that. People disgust me at times. People say im slow, and mock me, but they dont know that i had developmental delays when i came out my mother's womb. People joke about rape, but do they know i have been raped twice? People make fun of me for the scars on my arms, but do they know that i cut to take the pain away? Do they know that I have no other way to cope at the moment, because poetry doesnt help? Speaking of poetry, people say that im weird because im always writing. Is it really weird to express my feelings, even if it is on paper? Demons and bloodfill my nightmares, as I try my best to sleep at night., When will i have a night of no dreams? When will i be at peace? All i want to do is die. Why do i want to live, to love again, and to get hurt again? Sometimes i wish they mental health lady had sent me to the hospital when i was sent to the mental health evaluation center to get evaluated, instead of going home. Sometimes i wish i could have taken that whole bottle of Abilofy, the whole bottle of Lamictal and the whole bottle of Trazedone, Would it have killled me? I dont know. I just want to sleep forever. Why live, breathe, or even have faith? My best friend told me im going to hell for not believing in god and for being bisexual. I didnt understand why my best friend was so rude to me. I have known him since i was 5. He has turned against me..I dont know what to do, what to think…Im done with life, with love, with…Im just done. I dont know what to do. I just wish death would come for me.