Lately, i have been buying vodka and mixing it with diet dr pepper and getting insanely wasted every night for the past 5 nights. I don't know why, but i do know why, i just don't want to face it. It feels like everyday i don't know what to do with myself, I get by with my addictions. I used to smoke pot every night for the past two years and i just recently stopped and not on purpose, but now i have just substituted it for alcohol. I'm also addicted to love, i have just recently put that together. I am addicted to feeling loved, and knowing someone is there for me, maybe because i am craving affection and bonding so much that i am resorting to anything to fill these voids. Not to mention for the past two years a guy has been mentally manipulating me and mind fucking me to death. I fell in love with him and he just toys with my emotions. I feel like i am trapped with him, I am trying to get passed him and thoughts of him but I can't seem to get away. It's like i can't leave him, if he doesn't leave me first. …We are not even in a relationship, I feel like it's too late for me, i have made him such a part of me that I want to die thinking about not having him in my mind anymore. I have never in my life experienced such intense emotions of love that fill up my body. I know he's bad for me, he holds me back and I need to fight him, unfortunately i don't want to hurt him, but i can't keep hurting myself either. it will be the hardest battle i have ever had to endure.
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Crisis?
RandyLee, , Depression, Anxiety, Career, Medication, OCD, Relationships, Sleep Disorders, Stress, Weight Loss, 0
I am overwhelmed and fearful that it may lead to a crisis. I’ve been happy and healthy for a...
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I know this is long, but I have a lot to say and need a lot of help from someone who is willing to help
livefreely, , Depression, Addiction, Depression, Infidelity, Questions, Relationships, Sleep Disorders, Therapist, 0
So since I last wrote, everything and I mean everything went wrong. I talked with a professional on Wednesday...
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05/11/10
TessaKayIams, , Depression, Depression, Medication, 0
ooo today was so much better then every other day ive ever head.. NOT! today was day ive had....
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Free Will and Choice
Ellowynne, , Depression, Child, Domestic Abuse, PTSD, Sleep Disorders, Weight Loss, 1
It's just past 1 am and Friday. I had a good day, except the trash people forget about my...
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ANOTHER COLLEGE KILLING SPREE
virus, , Depression, Depression, Questions, Weight Loss, 3
Another college killing spree. And it won't be the last. The sad thing about it is that every...
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My story with pain and anxiety
Taporter, , Anxiety, Depression, OCD, Wellness Tips, Anxiety, Child, Depression, Medication, OCD, Schizophrenia, 0
I would say I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression most of my life, throughout my teen years up until...
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Rock Bottom
SashaG, , Depression, Addiction, Anger, Anxiety, Career, Depression, OCD, Questions, Relationships, 1
SORRY IT'S LONG BUT PLEASE READ. I think I have hit rock bottom. I am only 19 and am...
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Bad Feeling About It
sadviolinist, , Depression, Depression, PTSD, 3
My Uncle fell again. He didn't hit his head, but they had to send out an ambulance because my...
Sweetie, that's not love… To effectively get away, you'll need to put into place other support systems while you're with him. Then when you are ready, you can break away because you have MANY other things to go to. To know what you need to put in place, ask yourself what things is he filling for you and helping you with? Then find MANY other people or sources to fill those gaps. Part of neediness is lack of options. If you have options, many people and things start to loose their control over you.
I didn't think i would get replies back to this, wow thank you for your advice!
Tesla- you're advice is gold! I know i need other support systems, i guess that's where my depression comes in, it's hard to do something about it, when you lack the drive! But i'm going to try and do it slowly but surely
Forty Four- thank you for your input as well, summer is approaching, so maybe the change in season will help me prioritize better. And i am just starting to see clearly about the love vs attachment thing, it hurts…