Why M I so broken I side? Why cant I feel like the happy faces I see daily either on television or outside? Since I can recall being just a young girl maybe 10 or 12 years old,  I’ve always felt displaced from the world around me. My everyday waking filled with a longing for an emotion I couldn’t feel but knew was missing. By the time I was 15 I began drinking alcohol and abusing prescription drugs to feel something or maybe it was to feel nothing I’m not so certain anymore.  By the time I turned 25 I was full blown depressed and experienced manic episodes that I believed were of normalcy.  This illness has taken away my want to live and the happiness I should be able to feel. My family believes I’m  some incapable crybaby who only lives to seek attention.  My illness must be made up or they say maybe you need a hobby? If they only knew the emptiness I feel . So here I am after multiple hospitalizations and treatment plans that never worked , contemplating the reasons I should live and why must I continue to suffer.