- “I can’t believe she’s lived this long. God must be avoiding her.” — Brian Francis
- “’Surely,’ I said, ‘you don’t think that you are going to die because you dreamed you saw your old father; if one dies because one dreams of one’s father, what happens to a man who dreams of his mother-in-law?’” — H. Rider Haggard, She: A History of Adventure
- “’It’s funny. I thought she’d live through anything.’ Charlie said, ‘Me too. I figured even if there was a nuclear war, it would still leave radioactive cockroaches and your mum.’” — Neil Gaiman, Anansi Boys
- “I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ‘Get the hell off my property.’” — Joan Rivers
- “Behind every successful man is a proud wife, and a surprised mother-in-law.” — Hubert H. Humphrey
- “My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we’re having a change. We’re going to let her in.” — Les Dawson
- “When you have a wonderful mother-in-law who takes sides with you in squabbles with her own daughter — that’s something.” — Lou Gehrig
- “Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.” — Henny Youngman
- “A car is like a mother-in-law — if you let it, it will rule your life.” — Jaime Lerner
- “My mother-in-law speaks not a word of English. I speak not a word of Tajiki. So I smile at her ingratiatingly, and she fixes me with a beady eye.” — Wilbur Smith
- “A mother gives you a life, a mother-in-law gives you her life.” — Amit Kalantri, Wealth of Words
- “The only thing more intimidating than a huge international film star is your mother-in-law.” — Benjamin Walker
- “The mother-in-law came round last week. It was absolutely pouring down. So I opened the door, and I saw her there and I said, ‘Mother, don’t just stand there in the rain. Go home.’” — Les Dawson
- “Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.” — H. L. Mencken
- “On Valentine’s Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.” — Milton Berle
