I've just spent a week camping in the fields in the british heatwaves with 12,000 christians! I didn't go for the christian side of it and the first worship session overwhelmed me, i just cried..but i've spoken to a few people on our pitch and they've all been lovely honnest genuine people! I did have 2 bad days, i took 2 overdoses of my lorazepam+clonazepam because i paniced. Because earlier in that day i'd given 'my weapons' to a close friend, literally all my paracetamol, both my blades and other medication..it was the hardest thing i've ever done but she prayed for me in my tent that night and i slept rather well! So after spending the next morning hiding in my tent afraid of peoples judgements of me after taking the tablets..my friend just came and hugged me at lunch time and we actually ate lunch outside together! This gave me such encouragement! Last night i felt awful for not getting involved enough in the christianess of the week, i'd seen things happening around me. Me, my mum and a couple of her friends went to watch the Olympic ceremony in the big tent with 6,000 other christians. One of my mums friends told me her story of a previous violent relationship, sinking into depression and struggles sleeping, our stories matched so paralelly i burst into tears. her and one other woman took me outside and asked if i'd like to invite the holy spirit into my life and i said yes..I've been an emotional wreck since to be honnest, I'l remember that evening forever…i would of never got talking to her if she hadn't of come and joined me eating her undercooked yucky pasta! (lol). So we had a few drinks. she bought me cheesy chips and we spent the evening praying, it was so amazing, i heard my Grandpa in Heaven say 'Welcome' That was SO emotional, i don't know how the rest of my life is going to go but it feels good for now to be able to pray about stuff and hearing my Grandpa's voice was incredible..

Me, mum and little sister arrived home a couple of hours ago. i'm almost unpacked but i dont want to forget this week..got so many pictures for memories etc. I had a bad panic when we had been home for an hour or so though, i'd misplaced my camera, and work had phoned up asking why i wasn't at work in the morning..nobody covered my shift in the end, So gutted because its sunday tomorrow and im down to work all day, i was so looking forward to going back to church 2moro and seeing these amazing people again..wow. But i guess this is life..(mums just found my camera!) praise the lord!! < see its little things like that! I haven't cut myself for one month also which im dead proud of! I'm wearing my new scarf and new cross necklace and bracelet and i have a tan!! So i'm feeling quite good at the moment..maybe go to the gym later, i feel so fat! blegh/ eaten rubbish all week, lol. ah well it was wonderful being out in the open enjoying the fresh air. i could easily do another week….loved it!!

Thank you everyone <3

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