I’ve been meaning to post for quite some time now, but I’ve been pushing it off as I usually do with every aspect in my life. I know I’m a pretty naive in saying this, but I’ve diagnosed myself with borderline personality disorder. Strange enough, I actually felt relieved and somewhat prideful that I was able to diagnose myself with that because for once, it meant I was affiliated to a classification. Although more often than not I reminisce old memories, I’ve managed to get on my life without any disruptions after ending a 9 year friendship with my closest friend over a trivial matter. Am I really as cold hearted as I pretend to be and tell others? To make a long story short, the main issue why the friendship ended was because my ex best friend took our friendship for granted and still failed to see that after we stopped being on speaking terms. And by we, I mean just me; I refuse to respond to any form of communication from him. The end of that friendship did do one productive result; in that I had more free time to reflect about myself. And in doing so, I’ve realized I was socially withdrawn which would explain my personality and much of my character. My friends have claimed I need a girlfriend, but with my alienating traits and flaky habits, it’s pretty hard to show any attractive traits. It’s hard enough as it is with my regular friends as I’m so needy at times for social interaction. Alternatively, I’ve also discovered I’m a hypocrite or perhaps all psych majors are hypocrites. I advise others to do one thing, yet I cannot follow my own advice. I’ve always judged others for not taking risks, but here I am, a coward with such a immense fear of rejection that it threatens to consume my entire life. Times like this, I just dun feel like living on anymore. Life just isn’t worth the troubles.


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