Back again to update…

I have been living in a hotel since October 29th.  I will finally arrive back home on Thanksgiving this coming Thursday.  I have almost made it through a very, very difficult month.

Although I feel that my anxiety is worse, and that my obssessions, especially towards hair, and my compulstions have also gotten worse, I know that this was something that I had to do.

I only have 3 days left (Mon, Tue, Wed) in the pain rehabilitation clinic that I have been attending.  The program includes one orientation day and 15 program days, all occuring Mon-Friday.

This program aims to help people with chronic pain to live life despite the pain.  The program does not aim to lessen or "cure" chronic pain, because it is not something that will likely go away for any of us.  Many people do experience less pain suffering by the time they leave, though.

They also taper patients off of all opioids and other types of pain medications and psychotropic (psyche-altering) drugs.  There’s some great research behind taking chronic pain patients off of opioids.  Opioids have actually been seen to cause hyperalgia (very increased sensitivity to pain…even to the point where touching the skin is enough to make someone cry (I was like this over my hip area before the program).  So, I am now completely NARCOTIC-FREE for the first time in years!!!!  They will destroy the remainder of my narcotics (with my permission) when I leave the program. 

They have not convinced me to give up my klonopin(clonazepam) short acting anti-anxiety med, and I won’t be giving that up before leaving.  I have hardly even scratched the surface at treatment for my OCD and other generalized anxiety issues.  This has been a life saver, and I only use it in extreme cases. 

They also decided not to take me off of my Effexor XR because they looked at my mental health history and decided that it was a helpfull medicine for me.

Today is my first day since I finished my Neurontin (gabbapentin) and tizanidine taper.  I am struggling greatly with this.  Please keep me in your prayers.

I have put pain in the backseat and have once again taken the position in the drivers seat.  I still hurt, but that will not be my idenity anymore and it will not decide for me what I will or won’t do.  This is an attitude that I will strive to keep, especially as I make the transition back to real life away from the treatment program.  I kindly ask that others to not ask me about my pain anymore, as this will help me stop concentrating on it as much.

I am trying to set up going back part time to college next semester.  I hope to eventually finish my degree.

I am walking on my own now.  No wheelchair, no walker, and no cane.  I need to keep myself strong so that I can continue this no matter how I feel. 

I haven’t been on this site, or on my computer hardly at all during this time.  This was because of a combination of being emotionally and physically worn out every day, wanting to isolate myself from those not experiencing this difficult program, and really just being very busy every single day.

I hope to be able to use this site for support more often after this coming week passes with the completion of my rehabilitation and the holiday coming up (with 3 Thanksgiving events/meals to attend).

So much more that I could say.  But for now, I will just say goodbye again and good luck!