Well so that you may know me better, here is my story.

As a child I recall our house being uncluttered and fun, then we moved into a mobile home which is all my parents could afford. We were also closer to my mother’s mother whom I dispised. We settled into our new home and so did other things. I knew my mom had a hard childhood herself so I tried to be a good girl. We did a lot of things as a family including visiting older family members on my dad’s side, they always seemed normal. One in particular than I didn’t care for was one of his beloved great uncle’s, he stunk and lived in a house with no running water, only one room had electric and no phone. I didn’t expect him to treat me as a piece of meat. He abused me on a few occasions and everytime I objected to going. I tried to tell my mom but she could not believe that he would do that so I never spoke of it again. I started hoarding little things after that as well as withdrawing into my own mind. I put up a good front and continued to be the good daughter. Even when it meant putting up with the acidic mother of my mom. She in my mind and as far as my kids are concerned never existed. I never knew my mom’s dad because he died when she was 3. That woman hated my mother and me as well because she said I looked like my mother. Little did she realize that my sister, the one she favored, looks just like my mom only with blue eyes. So I had the man I hated and the woman who hated me constantly  in my head.  This led me to stuff my pain down so deep that I didn’t find it until I was a teenager. I was between 8 and 10 when all of the pain was at its highest point. When I was 17 and put into a bad situation I recalled all of the pain i had gone through. I dealt with the pain and learned to put it aside to get on with my life. My husband and I went to school together but never when out until after we graduated. He was my sisters best friend so we were around each other a lot. He accepted me as I am so I knew he would be good for me. We have had a bumpy road but he is still with me even with the hoarding. At first it was not that bad but the more I remember and the more I felt the worse I got. He doesn’t really understand why and neither do I other than I guess I’m coping for what has been taken away from me. Right now my hoarding is getting WAY out of hand. I now have massive amounts of clutter everywhere and as a mom with 2 kids I need room for them to move. I know that I will conquer my OCD just as I did my biting but I just have to get there.

So now you know my story.

3 Comments
  1. bluebuddha 12 years ago

    ~Hi…welcome, you are in a good place. Have you ever seen any professional about the hoarding before?

    Blue

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  2. axmommy 12 years ago

    Paula, no your mouth won’t get me. I’m abit foul too. 

    Blue, no I have never sought out professional help for my hoarding. I just learned in the last few months that it has a name and it is a mental health issue. I am learning a lot about my disease and myself. I try and get through everyday as a happy girl and letting my demons out is helping a great deal.

    I will see what tommorrow gives me so that I may offer something good in return.

    Until then my friends I bid you love, peace in your journey through the day, and to just breathe in your moment of struggle.

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  3. ancientgeekcrone 12 years ago

    Hoarding is one of my issues.too.  When I fell down the steps and suffered a spiral fracture of the femur and spent 6 weekis in rehab learning to walk and climb (the stairs, into bed), again,  my kids went through my house and were appalled.  They added ocd to my list of endless depression and mailse.  They told me they’d clean out the house and I needed to go to therapy, or  they’d place me in assisted living.  Well, I hadn’t been declared mentally incompetent, so I don’t think they could have done that.  Nevertheless, when they tackled the house you couldn’t move around in it and it was getting infested because the invading creatures had so many place to reproduce and hide.  By then it was pretty  dirty and the field mice moved in for the winter.  Hoarding is serious and can affect your physical health.

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