some times in every persons life it always feels like the fading light of dusk. no matter whats happening you feel like the light is fading and you will be forever shadowed in darkness, you cant breath ,you cant concentrate, everything seems to be failing at the same time that you feel like a failure. maybe its cause things are just really going bad, maybe its cause a realationship just went horribly bad. sometimes because you just feel like your really screwing up in life. everyone here i would guess has felt this for one of the reasons above or maybe for all of them. i feel like that right now cause a realationship went horribly wrong, i know it happens to everyone sooner or later, but i should have known better. i chose a girl that was impossibly screwed up and thought she could change even though i saw the evidence many times that she would most likely not, now im hurt,broken up, immensly dpressed, and painfully lonely again! I have not vented here in a while but i feel like im going to implode and explode all at the same time right now. My life will go on but i feel like such a fool, it will be hard too cope for a while and i know this and i really dont want to deal with it but i have no choice. it has been so long since someone was in my life and now there no longer is again. The alcohol and pills are being consumed at a record pace again which i had curbed for quite a while, but it helps with the pain. Why are we all so screwed up? why do we put up with such srewed up behavior sometimes just so we dont feel so alone? I could have guessed it would turn out like this but i put up with it anyway, ignoring all the signs i knew pointed towards inevitable failure, cause i just didnt want to be so alone anymore. In the end i feel worse now than i did before. i used to think i was a fairly intelligent man but im just not sure anymore, im hindered by a good nature which is a flaw in this day and age.I hope everyone here and anyone that might possibly read this is having a better weekend than me.take care everyone right now im trying too exstiguish the fires of my own personal hell.

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