im going to be waiting for a stupid txt message back all day and its driving me insane! im sick of always being on the offensive! im sick on being dependant on OTHER people to contact me. i cant even fucking think! this is what happens if i like someone. im paralyzed all day because of this message, i cant think of anything else. im so dependant on them just giving me anythign at all. im so at their mercy. i want someone to depend on ME for once. i feel like i can never tell them how i feel or i wont see them anymore. its the worst fucking thing, last time i liked someone it the worst experience in my life and i ended up dropping out of school.

but they seem to like me a little bit! and i dont know how to handle that at all. i feel fucking disgusting, and i cant imagine me touching anybody. i think i would freeze. i would break down or somthing. i almost convinced myself that they only were saying those thigns because they felt like i was a charity case. last night i couldnt sleep and i could not stop agonizing over it. i am not fit to be around people like this.

the way they kept talking about sex constantly made me want to die. they said they are obsessed. they cant wait to transition so they can live their sub/dom sexual lifestyle. they left an open relationship according to facebook. they are furry and sleep over other furry couples houses in open relationships, so i think they all fur together. this all makes me feel a million more miles away from them. but what would i do if i had another body…this is all too much for me. But i don't blame them. I know part of it is because im so jealous it hurts me. maybe jealous isnt the right word, but i am definately hating myself, and my feelings x10 right now. i am hating everything.