why can't my mum ever just be happy for me!!

i've always felt intimidated by my mum, if she takes slightest control i follow her like a sheep. i wish i could speak up,voice my own emotions. i need to work on this.

she said something to me about half an hour ago which made me FURIOUS! Like it's taken me this long to blog about it!

i love my boyfriend to bits, i would do anything for him. my mum doesn't see it like this. She see's it as him controlling me – which he is in a way but its for the best! He only really does it to suck up to my mum, he thinks it his way of being friendly. i know he's joking but God, it doe make me feel crap sometimes! My mum just said to me earlier.."do you mind him telling you what to do?" my heart skipped a few beats. my first thought was -shit she knows about the overdoses- i pause and wait for her to continue digging..Like clockwork she carries on..it seems like he's always bossing you about." me being the weakling thati am said "i dont mind"and imediately changed the subject! but itsobviously still on my chest! coz straight away i feel like cutting of taking the new pink ibuprofen tablets i bought today!

I feel likestorming intoher roomand bringing up theconversation again, and telling her he's not controlling me, in fact i feel the opposite.he gives me the freedom to go to the gym,andsee my friends. In comparison to my ex this is amazing!! hemay come across bossy to you mum coz he thinks he's being funny. if you had a sense of humour you'd understand!! UGH.

i hate feeling defeated. but i know i couldn't possiblygo to her and tell her how i really feel 'coz thats just me. stupid…weak…viscious circle!!!!!