I knew that having another child would be difficult in many ways. I knew that it would be stressful and very trying. But, it is way harder and more stressful than I ever imagined. When I have to do it alone while Seth is at work it just feels so impossible. When they both need something at one time or are both crying. There is so much to do on top of taking care of them. Breastfeeding adds so much more work and stress also. When the baby falls asleep I have to use the time to clean the house so I don\'t have to be stressed out about the dirty house. But, I also have to work in pumping, showering, cooking, and maybe just maybe taking some time to do something I want to do. Savanna is always waking Sierra up because she plays loud (like a two year old should), I just can\'t take it. It bottles up in me and I try so hard to keep my cool and stay calm, but I always end up crying or feeling hopeless, getting mad at Savanna for being naughty. It is so impossible feeling. Then they go to sleep or it stops and I get this feeling like gee I made it. But, it starts all over again. Sometimes I feel like a bad mom because between the breastfeeding and being the main care taker, I feel like I am always attatched to the baby. Sometimes I just dont want to hold her. It stresses me out. I create all this pressure on myself to breastfeed and keep the house a certain way, it just can\'t happen. Sometimes I just really want to give her formula so I can do something, but I would feel selfish and guilty. When she goes to sleep but wont stay asleep and wakes up every twenty minutes screaming, I just can\'t handle it. I want to help her, but sometimes there is just no helping her. I know that we will get through this and one day it will all be memories, but in the moment it feels like it will never end. This is a problem with society, moms are so ashamed to say they feel this way. Everyone has to be perfect and have it all together. I can\'t be the only one feeling like this, and I don\'t think we are the minority. I am sure that everyone feels this way to an extent. It is hard to believe the tough times will pass when they are happening. It is really hard work physically but even more emotionally to be a parent. You never hear these parts.


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