I don't even know where to begin today. I'm just completely freaked out and stressed and angry and sad. Our friends and their kids came over yesterday for the BBQ and we all seemed to have a good time. They have a boy who's almost 10 named Corey and of course Heidi, who's 7 (the one I was babysitting). As always, the boys split off from Heidi and did their own thing. I wasn't concerned about it in any way. Now I know I should have been.

Zachary and Corey were playing in his room, and they had the door shut because our bunny Trigger was out. We always close off all of the doors when he's out of his cage ~ less mischief for him to get into. Well my husband went to check on the boys because he heard them laughing and giggling and he wanted to scare them. But when he went to open the door, he found it locked. This really bothered him, so he quietly jimmied the lock and burst through the door. What he saw was unimaginable.

The boys were both naked from the waist down lying on the bed, Corey on top of Zachary… Corey scrambled up and put his pants on as soon as he saw Aaron, and so did Zachary. Not a word came from Corey's mouth. Aaron came and got me off the porch and quietly told me. He was still in shock and was as white as a sheet. I told him to tell the boys to either come out into the living room or leave the door WIDE open.

Not really sure what to do I pulled Michelle and Mike inside and told them to go talk to Aaron about what had just transpired. Michelle and Mike took Corey outside to talk to him, and Aaron took Zachary aside to speak with him. I just sat on the porch, millions of thoughts and questions running through my head like lightning. Did he hurt Zach? Was he actually going to do what it looked like he was trying to do? Was Zach okay?

Thank GOD Aaron checked on the boys when he did, because if things had gone any further… ugh, I can't even think it. It makes me want to throw up. My son is 7 years old, and he thinks the world of Corey, so he'd do almost anything Corey asked of him. I NEVER imagined that it would be something like this. But Corey will be 10 soon, so he knew better. What am I supposed to say?

Our first concern besides the well being of our son was where Corey had learned this behavior from. Was his Dad molesting him? Then there was the fact that Mike (his step-dad) had discovered Corey looking at pornographic photos of men several months before on Mike's Ipad. They chalked it up to Corey being curious about the changes his body is starting to go through, but he was reprimanded for the activity.

Now I find myself wondering if Corey might be gay. It doesn't bother me except what he was trying to do with my son, but he won't talk about it. He's scared to.

Corey wouldn't say a word when Michelle and Mike tried to talk to him, so they decided they were going to go to his father to talk about it with him and confront him. That made Corey so upset that he literally bawled and cried himself silly. I finally went down and talked with him and just hugged him. I made a point to him that while his behavior was very wrong that I still loved him and always would. I've known this child since he was 2. He's like a nephew to me.

We kept Heidi with us so Michelle and Mike could speak to Warren (Corey's father) without distraction. Corey lives with his father, so the behavior had to be stemming from his household. Warren of course denied any wrongdoing and then told Corey he would NOT have a gay son. That it was completely wrong. Michelle reassured Corey that no matter what he was she and Mike would always love him the same.

When they came back for Heidi it has been several hours. I was worried sick about what was happening. I was upset for sure about the whole thing, ill about it in fact, but I was terrified of what Warren would do to Corey.

Michelle and I talked for a little while and then they took Heidi home. Aaron and I spent the rest of the night trying to avoid the conversation I knew we would have. Finally he asked me to talk with Zachary some about what happened because he thought Zach would open up to me more than him. So last night when Zach was laying down I laid down too and we talked about what happened. He was very confused by Corey's behavior and the touching that Corey had done. I had to tell Zachary that while it was okay for him to explore his own body and privates in his room with the door shut, it was NOT okay to let somebody else do it. We also talked about how boys were curious about other boys' bodies and if they looked the same. After awhile Zach fell asleep. I went to bed troubled and full of bad dreams.

I kept Zach home today, maybe out of a need to feel like he was protected and to watch him today to see if there were any lasting effects from his encounter. I can't believe my baby boy went through that. It's too close to what happened to me when I was young and my step-brother molested me. I loved him and wanted to make him happy, so I agreed to do something that I knew I probably shouldn't be doing. But by the time I realized what was happening to me it was too late. He had had his way with me and I have NEVER gotten over it completely.

On top of all this my mother is furious with me, although I don't know why. She's not speaking to me, and hasn't been since yesterday. I have NO idea what's going on, but the strain of all this is really getting to me. I just don't know what to do about either situation.

I'm going to call to get Zach in to see his therapist as soon as possible to talk about what happened. He needs to talk about it with her. She'll be more help than I'll ever be. Maybe she can shed some light on the whole situation for Zach in a way that he can really understand. I feel like I'm completely at a loss at what the right thing to say or do is.

As for my Mom, I've been looking at small apartments that maybe Aaron and I could rent. The time is coming, and probably soon, where this living situation is going to become completely intolerable. It's close to that now. My mother is the queen of guilt trips, and I'm tired of it and sick of feeling like everything I do is never good enough. And she doesn't like my husband either. We have got to find a way out of this.

I don't know what else to say. I am at a loss here. Has anyone else had kids that went through stuff like this? I feel like a horrible parent right now because I didn't see this coming or stop it, but how could I have known? I feel wretched…