So today has not gotten much better. Now I've misplaced or lost my cellphone and have no idea where it could be. All my contacts are in that phone! I don't write down phone numbers anymore ~ that was 15 years ago. I'm so upset about it that I feel queasy. I have looked EVERYWHERE in this house and I can't find it. I even tried calling it but the battery is dead so that's no help. What am I going to do? My husband will kill me if I don't find it and have to buy another one!

All I did today was feed the animals, pull out dinner to thaw and sleep. Sounds great huh? I thought so too. I feel lazy and bad about myself now. And now I'm rethinking my decision to go back to work because of how I'm feeling…but I'm already committed somewhat. They're expecting a schedule from me this week. But I figure I can do a 6 hour shift one day a week ~ it's only one day, right?

I'm so lonely today. I don't know why. Probably because I've had Zach at home 5 days in a row until today. But it seems deeper than that. Kind of like I've always been alone and always will be. People can be around me but there's a part of me that they'll never really reach and that's the part I'm talking about. It never really goes away.

I don't feel like going out with my girlfriend tomorrow ~ I don't think I can handle hearing about how badly things may be going between her and Mike. I don't think I can be a good friend like this.

On the positive side Zachary had a good day at school. I was expecting to get a phone call to come pick him up from school but it never came. I'm proud of him for getting through the day when it was probably uncomfortable physically for him.

That's it. Today sucks. End of blog.

1 Comment
  1. Andie372 10 years ago

     Aloneness, being in the black void and no one hearing your cries for help.  That's how I experience it.  I think because I'm bipolar no oone will understand me, and I tend to now allow people in for fear they will abandon me, which leads to a vicious cycle of lonliness.  If it weren't for my family and a few friends, I would be totally alone.  That's why I tend to cling to my 18 year old daughter and just pray she stays home a little longer.

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