My family (at least living/local enough for me to see in person) consists of my mother and father, my older brother (2 years older), my grandmother, and my aunt and uncle on my mother's side.
We'll start with my mother then. My mother will lie through her teeth to get out of ANYTHING without hesitation. She also smokes weed. I found out about this less than a year ago, but she's been doing it since she was a teenager (of course not during pregnancies). When I first found out, and she knew I knew, she started smoking freely in the house. The smell of her weed was HORRIBLE. It would honestly make me want to vomit, so I started asking her to smoke somewhere else like she did before I knew, and I couldn't get through to her. It got to the point where I was less about getting her to smoke somewhere else and more about seeing how far I'd have to go before she'd simply smoke somewhere other than our kitchen/living room. It got so far that I threatened to hang myself, and that only worked for 5 days before she stopped giving a fuck. Now? We have a better relationship. Not the best, but better. Sadly, its since she found out I smoke.
My mother is the oldest of 3. Middle is her brother who I haven't seen/heard from in like… 4+ years. Youngest is my aunt, lives with her husband. She can be nice, but most of the time she can be a bitch. My grandmother on this side has been there for me and my brother through everything. She could do the worst possible thing to me right now and I would still love her for the rest of my life. My grandfather on this side dies when I was 6, and though all I hear is bad shit now, I only remember him being really nice to me and my brother.
My father is an alcoholic first and foremost. He told me he used to have a coke addiction (which sadly but still thankfully just ended recently). Since dropping that he turned to alcohol. He's always drunk, he never remembers anything, and he's always in a shitty mood (and cant hide it for shit). He's got a short fuse and a bad temper but even still, he's NEVER hit me or my brother (though when my brother got older, they got close a few times). He isn't the best father but I know he loves me, and I love him and my mother. He walked out on his family when he was young, so I have no memories of his side of the family (which consists of his parents and younger sister). He always has stories from growing up though, mostly about him being cool or some stupid shit.
Lets talk about my wonderful brother. I am 100% sure that my brother is solely responsible for at least 1 of my problems. I'm a very emotional person. Growing up, our parents fought a lot and it always got to me. I'd get teary eyed, go hide somewhere, and cry. When I was young or the fight was REALLY bad, my brother would comfort me. Then I got older, and would still cry sometimes, and he began to break my balls over it. Yeah, sibling rivalry is normal. This isn't. My brother spent literally EVERY DAY OF OUR LIVES torturing me. He'd get in my head and break me down every day. He weighed more than me but would still make fun of me because of my weight. Day in and day out, he'd mess with my head, he'd push me around, he'd threaten me, etc. If you can think of a hurtful thing to say to someone he probably said it to me growing up more than once. Near the end of my senior year he moved to Pennsylvania to live his his girlfriend that he met online. She's like.. a year or two younger than me. He somehow managed to drop a sickening amount of weight in a short time, and that just makes me feel even WORSE about it. I rarely saw him back then as it was, but I mean he was obese, then skinny the next time I saw him. it was rediculous. But its been a few months since I've seen him now, and I never talk to him. Not before his visit, not after. He's one person I sadly wont lose sleep over.
Next blog… relationships/emotions or weight probably?
