Can’t sleep tonight. Too alone. I was connected once to a person who is my best friend now, but we have so little time and we are far more distant. I am a strange person and don’t connect as easily as most I think. I have never ever really felt connected except with her. My kids love me and my relationship with them is great. My family loves me and my relationship with them is great, but I do not deeply connect with them. Their company can distract me, but it does not make me feel connected to them in any deep way…this is not true and yet it is. I love them, that is a connection, but it is not enough.
I know what it means to find your other half and oddly I didn’t before I did find her. Am I fixated on here? I think I am fixated on what we had. It has been almost a decade. I have found semblances of this connection, but none ever materialized fully. It was not that I tried to re-create what we had just make a connection and they all fell apart and for years now I have not managed to find anything.
I am terrified of never connecting again. Always feeling numb and purposeless. No one to share my passions with, because no one cares about them. They care about me, but that is not enough it seems. I have worked on these feeling for almost a decade and can’t find a way to cope or find another to share with. I can’t even find an addiction to truly lose myself in. That sounds worse than it is. I am not looking for a drug or anything bad, just something to lose myself in. Losing myself in the moment is great, but there is not always a moment to lose yourself in.
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Fighting for a real life
Coraline, , Anxiety, Depression, Marriage & Family, Addiction, Anger, Anxiety, Depression, Domestic Abuse, Social Anxiety, 5
You can call me coraline, I would like to share part of my story in hopes that someone out...
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Internship Year
zizi, , Anxiety, Anger, Anxiety, Career, Child, Depression, Domestic Abuse, Grief, Medication, Obesity, OCD, Psychosis, Questions, Relationships, Religion, Self Esteem, Sleep Disorders, Stress, Therapist, Weight Loss, 0
Monday 4th December,2017 Today was my first day of my internship , im starting with the internal medicine rotation.the...
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The Mountain
Pgadfw, , Anxiety, Depression, 3
Today I quietly walk alone to the the base of an enormous mountain covered in dangerous seracs, deep crevices,...
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To find a safe haven…
TessErin, , Depression, Addiction, Anxiety, Child, Depression, Forgiveness, Religion, 0
I've written so many blogs, I think I have run out of ideas for titles. I haven't been feeling...
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Personality Type & Mental Health
Emotions, , Anxiety, Depression, Anxiety, Depression, OCD, Personality Disorder, Stress, Weight Loss, 0
As my journey into maintaining mental health continues, I can’t help but wonder about the link between Personalities and...
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Stepping Down…
mike61382, , Anxiety, Career, Relationships, Stress, 0
I spent three years as President of my seven-year firefighting career at my local Volunteer Fire Department. I became...
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Whining about Charlie
thebadkitty, , Depression, Addiction, Bipolar, Career, Depression, Sleep Disorders, Stress, 0
Have to get moving… so depressed… I feel like my close friends are drifting away from me. I know...
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Post-Dance
H2BF_2013, , Anxiety, Anxiety, Relationships, 0
Well, this Saturday my school held our Valentine's Day dance, the "Snowball". Since I am on student council I...