It's nearly been a week since I over heard my Dad talking with some women over the phone (not my Mother who is in Florida) about committment and how apparently Dad lacks it in whatever sort of relationship he's having with this women. (Physical, emotional affair? Yeah right. You don't 9 hours on a couch just watching romantic comedies…)

I hadn't seen my Dad prior to yesterday since I wanted to send him a message of: "I know."

I had asked him straight up before if he had been cheating and he shook his head and told me and my sister to not 'listen to our Mother'. But his constant lies have left a bad taste in my stomach. I ended up feeling foolish for thinking that maybe he wasn't cheating. Maybe he was just smoking joints with his buddies and partying since he's having a mid life crisis.

I've been so tiredly concerned for him day and night. He's smoking constantly now. He had given up smoking for many years. I never considered him to be a smoker. But my sister caught him smoking the other day. He also drinks and he eats out every day. His Father had been an avid smoker and drinker and perished only 40 years old from a heart attack. My Dad has just recently been diagnosed with diabetes. He's only 47. I don't want him to have a heart attack — but we all know it runs in his family and his behaviour is self destructrive.

My sister(s) don't know about this other girl and my youngest dismisses the claim from Mom regarding the other chick. At first, I had thought Mom was just being crazy and jealous. Dad merely had a good girlfriend — Mom was being unfair, since she refused to go out with him when he asked and he told her that he had made good friends with this girl. Why would he openly admit a friendship if he had something to hide? It only started my Mother's arguments.

My Dad told us (before I had found out for sure about this other chick), that Mom was talking to people online. He was sarcastic. But how can he be when he's cheating on her? Or does she know? How much do our parent(s) know and are not telling us? Do we even want to know? I only know by accident about my Dad.

He said last night that she had took $1,800 out of his pay cheque and she refuses to tell him why. Right now, she's in Florida without her family and who knows what she's doing?

I should be less harsh on my Dad. Just because he's cheating doesn't make him a crappy Father. But I do wish he wouldn't lie.

My boyfriend was like; "What do you expect? That he'd openly say it to you when you asked him with all your sisters around?!"

I've noticed a defiant decline in my normal harm OCD. It's like most of my OCD has shifted to my constant worry about Dad or the situation at the house. Mom is in Florida — so it's relatively 'peaceful' at my parent's house. What will happen when she returns?

Will they argue constantly in front of my poor younger sisters who are still 'trapped' there? Will Dad feel depressed once he moves out because none of his children with come with him to 45 minutes away? Will we get to see him? Will my Mom stick it to him in many, many ways, using her sick disability card against him? Will Mom argue with me when I try to tell her how I can see why Dad may have cheated? (Ie; it takes TWO to keep a marriage going, why is she only blaming him it seems like?) How will this effect my 16 year old sister? Will Dad have a heart attack? How can I get him to stop smoking and eating out and get him to be more active?

I'm scared of the future. I wish my harm thoughts would come back.


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