I have real bad OCD. I am afraid of death. I love my grandfather so so much, he is one of my heroes. But he is getting old. He has some typical old people problems, but other than that, he is fine. He's 86 right now. He's one of the greatest I have ever met. Anyway, ever since I was little, I never left my grandpa's house without a goodbye kiss. Unless he was asleep, of course. There are even home videos of when I was about 4 and my grandpa was leaving my house and I hugged and kissed him before he left. It could be that I was brought up that way. But anyway, I know that tomorrow is not promised and I feel that if I don't do this, I will live with that regret for the rest of my life. What makes me feel better is that my grandpa comes from a family where they live up to their late 90s. But I feel very anxious if I don't hug/kiss my grandpa. Especially after what happened 3 years ago. We were at a family gathering and my grandpa was leaving and i KNEW i hadn't hugged him before he walked out, but i thought "it's ok, nothing will happen." coincidently, he was sent to the hospital the next day. he ended up staying there for a little over a month. i feel like it is my fault, even though i know it isn't. i love my grandpa so much. i am the only one of his grandchildren that will sit and listen to his stories, even if he's already said them. this is half ocd and half my love for him. i love spending time with him and at the same time, i feel that something terrible will happen if i don't. in the end, it's kind of a win win situation… whenever it's my grandpa's time to leave the world (which i hope is in 50 more years) i will be happy that i spent plenty of time with him <3

1 Comment
  1. rainingoctober 8 years ago

    I can relate. I was around 13 when my grandpa passed away. I wasn't as close to him as it sounds like you are with your grandpa, but when mine was getting worse with his cancer, I would feel the need to do things to save him. I would have to scream into this blanket I slept with every night, or walk around my driveway a certain number of times. All kinds of stuff like that, of course, is and was and always will be OCD. Enjoy the days you have with your grandpa. No matter what you will be filled with great memories of love.

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