I woke up this morning with no anxiety symptoms for the first time in a week. But I haven\'t mentally processed what I need to do today. I have a few ideas today for how to deal with the anxiety so that it won\'t get out of hand. I\'m going to attempt to process today\'s schedule in this blog – so it might be a bit tedious and boring for you readers, but what the heck. I\'m a journalist, so I\'m always thinking about how my blogs should somehow appeal to you guys – but in this case, I\'m doing it for myself!
I am entering into day 1 of a three day crunch. On thursday, I have 2 back to back exams and I am trying just to deal with those two things at the moment. If I even start to get into what I need to do for the following week, I\'ll be sure to have a meltdown. So: baby steps!
So, it\'s currently 10am. I am actually eating breakfast right now. My roommate is making banana bread for me to help relieve stress I have about a bake sale I\'m expected to bake for tomorrow for a fundraiser. Coffee is in the french press and I\'m really looking forward to a cup in a moment here.
I need a shower – it seems to be a huge effort lately just to do basic thigs like shower, wash my face before bed, clean the kitty litter, do dishes. Any standard day to day routine things have fallen by the wayside since my panic attack two Sundays ago. But the shower is number one. Then as a courtesy to my cat, I need to get the litter box cleaned out. It makes me laugh to read over this paragraph just because it seems so silly that I mentioned this, but it\'s actually a potential problem in getting things done.
Second, I have a stats tutorial from 11-12pm. I have to attend because I get marks in the class for attending tutorials and I\'ve missed 3 already (there are only 5 in the semester). So that means the shower will have to happen quickly.
Third, I have to try to study for my stats tutorial at some point. Studying between 12-1:30 is going to be difficult because I\'ll also want to try to find some lunch. I also have to pick up my busted laptop from the library where they were trying to fix it. I think it will be best if I go to a cafe for a quick lunch, read what I can from a chapter in my stats text, head down to the library around 1:10pm to get the laptop and then over to my doctor\'s office at 1:30. Luckily everything is in close proximity. As for my anxiety, I can feel a little lump starting in my throat, but I\'m fine for now.
The doctor\'s appointment will take me until 2pm and will hopefully get me in touch with some medication which is actually effective in helping me deal with my anxiety as opposed to the Ativan that has had no effect whatsoever.
From 2-4pm, I have a political theory lecture. I could skip the lecture, but I\'m really worried that it will affect my ability to write an essay due in 2 weeks if I do not attend and listen to what the prof is saying. But if I\'m anxious at that point, I\'m going to step out of class, practice some techniques to calm myself down and just go and study for the stats until 5pm.
At 5pm, I have a tutorial for political theory for just an hour. I will attend it and try to figure out a way to prove to the Teaching Assistant that I have completed readings that I have not even looked at yet. I\'m not too anxious about that, aside from the amount of time it takes.
From 6-9, I have a break. I need to study during that time for statistics. And get something for dinner.
At 9pm, I am holding a meeting for the masthead of my student paper, of which I am editor-in-chief. I will have no control over the amount of time it will take because it is a brainstorming activity for our joke issue. And I can never seem to direct my staff as effectively as I woudl like because they are all so creative and love taking time to talk through all kinds of ideas instead of centering in and building upon one idea. But I will do my best. Not to mention, everyone is really stressed at this point and hopefully many of them will not want to spend more than an hour figuring things out.
Depending on when the meeting ends, and depending on how my studying has gone for stats, I would like to study from 10-11:30 at a library at school. I want to be home by 12 and in bed by 12:30 or 1am if possible.
This exercise didn\'t go too poorly. The lump in my throat is pretty big right now, but at least I have a plan. I need to print out this blog! But now I\'ve got to run and have a shower, lest I arrive late for the first tutorial of the day. And congrats to those of you who made it this far in the blog post! I know it was dry!