I just got off of the phone with my parents. We spoke for over an hour. I ended up coming clean with them and basically telling them all that was in my previous blogs. Knowing I can do what I choose and that they will support me helps but it still leaves me with a decision: to continue school or to take a break. For me, right now, the break seems to be the best option. I will call my psychiatrist tomorrow and beg for a Friday appointment. I guess I will try my best and stick this week out. God I need strength to do this. I have a mid term tomorrow and a math exam on Friday.
I just wish I could get a sign as to what I should do. People say God speaks to their hearts…is He speaking to mine? If so what is He telling me? Like I said right now, I want to call my parents and go home. If it weren't for the tests, I would do so.
I guess the couple of days without my medication did more damage than I thought.
I guess I need to think hard about what I can and can't handle. I just hope I can last the rest of the week. I would go to bed and sleep but I have English to study. What are the odds of me getting up early and studying then? I'm tempted to do that. I am leaning towards putting school off for a while…maybe I need to go back to the hospital or a treatment program. I did run this by my parents too…Maybe I am too much of an Idealist. But I have thoughts that a few weeks doing some soul searching would be what I need. A treatment program sounds like something I need but I wonder if I am delusional about what those programs offer. Maybe I need to search for "types of treatment" programs. As I continue to type, I am thinking a treatment program is what I need. Not your average "hospital stay" but a treatment program that is acclimated to help those with a disability. I wonder if those programs exist?
I hope they do…..